ENTERING THE DEN

Some call him a Shark, others a Dragon. But meeting Robert Herjavec of Dragons’ Den fame was less scary than you would think. He’s actually a likeable, down-to-earth, shrewd businessman who has worked hard to achieve his success.

Along with several other “media,” I had the opportunity to sit in on a media conference before he spoke at the Toronto Entrepreneur launch this weekend. What first struck me however was the length of his hair - it was longer than I thought. Overlapping on his collar, it gave him a younger look and he is a lot slimmer than he appears on television, but they say that the TV adds ten pounds.

He talked about the role Dragons Den has played in making entrepreneurship sexy. It is now considered cool to own your own business and at a recent talk at Wilfrid Laurier, he was encouraging the students to “become great at something you do and the money will follow.”

Being on the show he has seen many budding entrepreneurs and he encourages anyone thinking of pitching to the Dragons to do their homework, do the math. “When we ask you what you want the money for – don’t say marketing, “ he advises. “You are wanting us to invest in your business, be prepared for real world questions because if you can’t answer them, then you are in trouble.” he adds.

His parents who came to Canada with nothing and who could not speak English, are his inspiration. Because of the sacrifices they made for him, he was determined to be successful. In the early nineties, he was waiting on tables at a local restaurant and launching BRAK systems in his basement in between shifts.

Ironically, while the Dragons often seek a share of the business in return for their investment, Herjavec himself prefers to keep all the equity to himself. He wants to own his businesses 100 percent.

Herjavec sold his first business to AT & T for $100 million. At the time he was offered stock or cash. Unsure which way to go, he asked his accountant and other advisors, who recommended he take the stock. But that wasn’t sitting right with him, so he asked the one person he knew who would give him an honest answer – his father – who said take the cash. He took the cash but a few months later the stock value was on the rise and he started to question his decision, however not much later, the company folded. Had he taken the stock, he would have been left with nothing.

After a three-year hiatus, he started up the The Herjavec Group and he admitted that it hasn’t grown as quickly as he thought. “In some ways when you don’t have much money to invest, you stay laser-focused and less willing to take risks. Whereas this time I’ve thrown money at different things, and they haven’t all worked out. “

It was interesting to learn that no one within the company has a title on their business cards. From Herjavec’s perspective, all his staff have the same job – to keep the customer happy.

When asked about giving back, Herjavec started by explaining that culturally in Eastern Europe, you don’t give back. Having said that, he went onto say while he can’t help everyone, he’s chosen causes that have personal meaning to him. And family always comes first.

As Herjavec points out, we all have the same 24 hours in a day, it’s what we do with that time that counts. We have no one to blame but ourselves if we don’t use our time wisely.

Clearly Herjavec has made every second count.

Realistic Expectations

I am always advocating that we need to touch base with our customers, to find out what is happening with them and what we can do to improve our services.

And I do walk the talk. This week we sent out our annual survey to women who are part of the Company of Women community and slowly they are trickling back.

As I read through the feedback, it’s gratifying to learn that we are doing OK, but I find myself gravitating to the few negative ones. Why do we do that? The majority are super- positive, and people have some great ideas and suggestions that we will consider implementing, yet I still get drawn into the negativity of some people.

I find myself getting defensive – wanting to reply and explain how much different aspects of our programs cost and that we’re a small team. Or counter with my feedback on what we have done in the past.

It boils down to expectations. While we are there to support and connect you as much as we can, we can’t make your business a success, only you can do that.

I guess my lesson from all this is that when we ask for people’s opinions, that’s what we get and you have to be prepared to take the good, with the bad, and at least this time there was no ugly.

bizwomen: Day by Day

bizwomen: Day by Day: "Well it is official. I have a book. I picked up copies from the publishers last week and already this week we’ve sold quite a few copies. ..."

Day by Day

Well it is official. I have a book. I picked up copies from the publishers last week and already this week we’ve sold quite a few copies. It does feel strange to think that likely over the long weekend people will be reading about the ins and outs of my life.

I guess I knew that when I wrote it – but it is different now that moment is here. Will I hear back from them? Will they look me straight in the eye again or avoid me? Oh the pangs of self-doubt start to roll in. Why do we do that to ourselves? It also makes me feel vulnerable – not a role I like to play.

The funny thing is that no sooner had the book arrived than other writers approached me about the whole publishing process. Like I am the expert. I mean I am just a few weeks ahead of them, that’s all. But I did meet with some women this week and it strikes me that there is merit in us all getting together to share ideas, resources and support.

Writing a book and getting it published is just the first step. If you don’t do any marketing, it will just gather dust on your bookshelf or sit in your garage waiting for a good home.

Like any product you have to sell, you have to consider who is your target market and focus your energies on reaching them. That’s where I am lucky in a way. My book is aimed at women and is about running a small business while trying to have a life, which means that it will appeal, hopefully, to women in Company of Women and other small business owners.

A fellow author – oh that sounds so sweet – suggested that I post an entry on www.page99test.com How this works is you type in page 99 of your book, and people give you feedback on whether they would buy it or not. Now she did warn me that it could be brutal and you certainly have to leave your ego at the door and don a suit of armour.

Only three people have reviewed the page, and so far one might buy it. One reviewer was a guy, so he just didn’t get it and with the other negative comment, I wanted to email her back to explain. I guess it makes you a bit defensive. But again, it does emphasize the need to be targeted in who want to reach.

So often when you write a book, you put so much of yourself into it, and when the book is actually your story – then even more so. For those of you reading Day by Day. Tales of business, life and everything in between I hope you get something out of the book. Even my kids learned something new about their mother ☺

BEING MUGGED EMOTIONALLY

A few weeks ago one of our team was publicly put down in front of a whole group of people by someone participating in a program. She came back to the office shaking and near tears. When said individual then followed up with an equally attacking email, it was hard to not just retaliate and bring ourselves down to her level. However, we took the high road, even though we were gritting our teeth.

So I read with great interest a recent article by Martha Beck in which she talks about people trying to rob us of our good mood. She called it emotional mugging and explained that there are six types of muggers – from the puppy kickers who take out their frustrations on someone else or the exploding doormats who will take so much, and then explode at the slightest provocation, and who harbour festering hostility towards their targets, to other more serious offenders who long term can damage your core belief in yourself.

The deflaters, and you may even have these in your family, are the ones who burst your bubble and sees virtue in pessimism. They can “take the air out of any good time and make a bad time feel even worse.” shares Beck.

The most insidious is the secret keepers, because you can start to question your own sanity. You know something’s not right but when you talk about it, the secret keeper pounces back, anxious to stop you from learning the truth. The cannibals are the ones who can bring you down in a split second with their tales of doom and gloom. Beck recommends not feeding into this person’s misery but instead reinforce with them that they have the resources to resolve their issues.

The last are the dementors, who take pleasure in publicly humiliating another person. They, Beck points out, are “endlessly unhappy, addicted to the sense of control they get from violating others.” The dementors are the most vicious of the muggers and her best advice was to avoid them completely or if that is not an option, to keep your emotional distance.

To protect yourself from emotional mugging, Beck compares her advice to learning self-defense, except instead of learning karate-do to protect yourself physically, she advocates practicing emo-do – the way of the emotional master.

As for our troubled lady, she most definitely fit into the dementors category and we intend to follow Beck’s advice and keep our distance.

LAST SEEN HEADING FOR…

I have a thing about being on time. Punctuality is important to me and as many of my members will attest, I work hard to finish my events on time. I feel it is a sign of respect to do so.

That being said, twice this week I have been late – for an event and a meeting. Why? Because I got lost. Not only lost, but my GPS had me going around in circles.

By the time I was forty minutes late picking up my volunteer Melanie, I was almost beside myself. I knew I was going to be late for our event and I had the name tags, registration material etc… And sure enough, when we arrived people were waiting for us, several concerned because I am never late. Well after this week, nearly never.

A few days later, I decided to try a different route home from Kitchener. Big mistake. Again following my trusty (or not so trusty) GPS, I started to notice familiar sites – I literally was back where I started from, and suddenly where I thought I had plenty of time to get to my meeting, I was behind and stuck in traffic. Fortunately the people I was meeting with were flexible and we were able to get together, albeit half an hour later.

No one likes to get lost. It makes you feel vulnerable. With places to go and people to see, my frustration level was at an all time high. But it made me realize how it must feel when you are lost in life, when you don’t know what to do next, and are drifting with no sense of direction or inner voice telling you what to do. It’s not a comfortable place to be, and yet all of us have been there at some time in our lives.

As business owners, it can often be when we have some tough decisions to make and we aren’t sure how or whether to make them – whether it be to take that big step and hire staff or undertake a major expense or at the other end of the spectrum, to face the unwelcome reality that your business isn’t working or is not financially viable and it’s time to close the doors.

In his book The Dip, Seth Godin talks about how often we give up when success is just around the corner. Certainly I set myself a time limit and had determined that if I hadn’t found Melanie’s farmhouse by a certain time, I was going to have to give up and sure enough, seconds before that deadline, I found it.

With my second tardy experience, it bothered me more than the people I was visiting, so really I could have cut myself some slack. Maybe we expect too much of ourselves.

Whether you are lost physically or mentally, one thing I know for sure, asking for directions can help you recognize and reach your destination. Talking it out with a friend or family member can bring a different perspective, one that brings objectivity to your situation and help you see a clear path and sense of direction.

LESSONS ON LEADERSHIP AND BUSINESS

Like many I have admired and been in awe of Mandela’s courage after spending 27 years in prison, and so I was interested to read the book Mandela’s Way Fifteen Lessons on Life, Love and Courage by Richard Stengel.

Mandela was 44 when he was first imprisoned and before that time, he would describe himself as an emotional, passionate and sensitive man but when he came out at age 71, he was described as balanced, measured and controlled. “I came out mature” he says.

In this book, the author describes Mandela’s lessons, which as business owners and leaders we can all learn from and grow – both professionally and personally.

1. Courage is not the absence of fear, it’s learning to overcome it.
He would pretend to be brave but inside wasn’t feeling that way, he was just putting on a front.

2. Be measured. Control is the measure of a leader. Calm is what people are looking for in tense situations. As a young man, he was a hot head, easily roused to anger but he emerged from prison as someone almost impossible to rile. He liked to make decisions after considering all the options – think, analyze and act.

3. Lead from the front. Leaders must not only lead, but must be seen to lead. This meant doing things not necessarily to attract attention, but to be doing the same as others, in his case, with the other prisoners. When you lead from the front, you can’t let your colleagues get too far behind.

4. Lead from the back. As much as Mandela liked the limelight, he knew he had to share it. The author compared it to herding cattle, you get behind them and prod with a stick. This style of leadership means listening and getting consensus. Mandela preferred to reach results in a harmonious way, believing that what’s good for you, is good for others.

5. Look the part. Appearances matter. If you want to play the part, you have to wear the right clothes. At any political or social event, Mandela was always the first to stand up and clap; he would greet people, not be greeted by them and was always the host, never the guest.

Mandela’s smile is unique. It spells confidence. When he was released the one message he wanted to convey was that he was a man without bitterness.

6. Have a core principle. Everything else is tactics. Mandela’s core principle is equal rights for all, everything else is a tactic. He is a pragmatist and sets about getting things done.

7. See the good in others. He believes in starting with the assumption that you are dealing with people in good faith. Mandela felt that seeing the good in others might actually make them better. His premise was that if you expect more of people, they often contributed more.

8. Know your enemy. In his youth, Mandela was an amateur boxer and his coach taught him to be nimble and strong, but that he also had to know his opponent. So he learnt Afrikaans as he thought if he could speak his opponents’ language, he could to straight to their hearts.

To him, it was the art of persuasion – you don’t address their brains, you address their hearts. So in business, if you want to make the sale, you address the heart. He would do his homework and prepare for meetings with opponents. And when he won, he never gloated. He wanted to let them save face because then you could turn your enemy into a friend.

9. Keep your rivals close. Mandela never stopped tracking his opponents. In fact he believed that you needed to keep close tabs on your friendly rivals. He wanted to be close enough to see trouble coming.

10. Know when to say no. Mandela was decisive in his decisions, not given to saying “maybe” when he knew it would be “no” in the long run. His advice was that if you are delaying a decision because you are avoiding saying “no” as it is unpleasant, you are better to do it right away, and avoid a heap of trouble down the road.

11. It’s a long game. After 27 years in prison, you learn how to play a long game. He learned how to postpone gratification, whereas our culture rewards speed and impatience is regarded as a virtue.

He advises not to let the illusion of urgency force you to make decisions before you are ready. He prefers to marinate ideas and keep the total picture in mind.

12. Love makes the difference. He always was a romantic, dreaming of love and family. It was a lonely life for him - as a prisoner and when he first came out of prison, as being a celebrity trapped him. Who could he trust? But he remarried at 80 and has found love in his life again.

13. Quitting is leadership too. His greatest act of leadership was renunciation of it. He felt his job was to set the course, not steer the ship and at 80 he retired. He knows that it doesn’t pay to fight over every issue, and sometimes it’s best to call it quits.

14. It’s always both. There are no simple answers to most difficult questions. All explanations may be true but every problem has many causes, not just one. Shades of grey, he observed, are not easy to articulate. Black and white is seductive because it is simple and absolute. We often gravitate to yes or no, when both may be closer to the truth. We need to put ourselves in the shoes of the person with whom we disagree.

15. Find your own garden. When he was in prison, Mandela got permission to grow a vegetable garden. It became is oasis and helped quieten his mind. He believes that each of us needs something from the world that gives us pleasure and satisfaction.

I thoroughly recommend this book. It is a quick and easy read, with lots of meat to it and ideas to ponder on.

An attitude of gratitude

With having a social media intern, I have become much more aware of its impact and have been measuring just how well we are doing in this arena.

So I decided to check the stats on my blog. More people are reading it – thank you. There have been times when I’ve wondered if my blog through which I live out loud about what is happening in my life, is all in a cyber-space vacuum that no one sees.

But what I did find interesting was that my most popular blog was the one I wrote about having a bad day which could indicate several things.

1. People love it when someone else is having a bad time
2. It is much easier for us to focus on the negative rather than the positive
3. My readers could relate to what I was saying
4. All of the above

As someone who is the eternal optimist and one who prefers to focus on the positive, I’d like to think it was number 3. We all have bad days, bad weeks, bad years actually, and perhaps writing about it is cathartic. Having a good vent, helps alleviate some of the frustrations and tensions. And being authentic, it is good to show that all is not always well in the Day/Company of Women camp.

I had to re-read that particular blog to remind myself of why it was so bad. And you know what, in the scheme of things, particularly in light of what is happening in the world, having to cancel a meeting and struggling with computer issues is really not up there in the list of disasters.

All of which leads me to say, that we need to gain perspective, roll with the punches and not take ourselves so seriously.

Let’s face it, we all have bad days, but there is always tomorrow, which for thousands of people in Japan, is not the case. Let’s be grateful for what we have.

Getting over the imposter syndrome

This week I did my interview on the Extraordinary Women TV Show with Shannon Skinner and I am sure you have all been waiting with bated breath to learn what I decided was my proudest moment in my career ☺

Actually it wasn’t easy but after exploring the options with Megan, she helped me clarify for myself what it was – winning the Entrepreneur of the Year Award. I selected this one because I never, ever expected to win, did not have an acceptance speech ready and I valued the recognition from people that I admire and respect. I felt validated.

Like many other women, there are times when I have felt an imposter; that people will catch me and my secret will be out – that I am not really the successful business woman I appear to be.

It is that self-doubt that can hold us back, especially if we become paralyzed in fear.
There is nothing wrong with “faking it until you make it.” And for many of us, that is exactly what we have to do, especially when we are working in a male-dominated arena.

I always remember fashion icon Linda Lundstrom sharing that when she got the call to advise her that she’d won the Canadian Woman Entrepreneur of the Year Award, she thought they’d got the wrong number. A man, she observed, would more be asking why it took them so long to recognize his talents?

Getting back to the interview. It went well, I think. See what I mean. Certainly after a few minutes, I totally forgot about the cameras which may or may not be good thing – time will tell. I haven’t seen the show yet but we will put it up on the site once we do.

So did you come up with your proudest moment?

What are you proud of?

That’s a question I have been asked for my interview on the Extraordinary Women online TV show which is being broadcast live on Tuesday.

Tough one isn’t it. Having been on this planet sixty years now, I’ve seen and done a lot.

I could talk about my family – my daughters and my husband of 38 years or my focus could be more on business. Over the years, I have been involved in starting several organizations for women and children. I am proud of the difference these programs and services continue to make in the lives of families.

Or should I go more personal and talk about my resiliency while coping with cancer and the night I decided to bare all and told the women at Company of Women what was happening with me?

And then there’s always my new book, Day by Day.

All of which goes to say, that I have lived a very full life and have few regrets. So stay tuned – it’s www.extraordinarywomentv.com

And think about it – what would your answer be? Some days, to be honest, it is just about getting up and getting on with life.

SIXTY GOING ON FORTY

I have had a wonderful week celebrating my birthday. I think as we get older we should recognize these milestones.

It started on Tuesday with my “I’m not sixty” birthday party when 20 girlfriends joined us for a girl-fest which was fun. Instead of gifts, I’d asked my friends to donate money towards a grants program I plan to start at Company of Women. Thanks to their generosity we raised $500.

Then Wednesday, THE actual day, I treated myself to some pampering at the spa, followed by lunch with a girlfriend and later dinner with my husband. Then Thursday saw my daughter’s birthday and yet another round of celebrations.

I think I am more troubled by her turning 32 than becoming sixty myself. It seems just yesterday that I was waddling, two weeks overdue, into the restaurant to celebrate my birthday. Boy did we get good service that night – they couldn’t wait to get us out of there for fear I would give birth right on the spot!

Where does the time go? We’ve had fun this week reflecting back on memories of the past. I have known some of my friends for over 30 years and we’ve been through a lot together – good and bad times – but I feel fortunate to have such long-standing friendships.

I even got a card from an old school friend in Scotland – now I’ve known her for 55 years - and I was touched she’d remembered my birthday after all these years. With the recent death of my dear friend Dianne I am reminded of how important our friendships are. They are our touchstones – with each other and ourselves.

Don’t let your business swallow up all your time and energy, because in the end it is our relationships that matter.

TEN TIPS ON MARKETING YOUR BUSINESS

Last week I was invited to serve on a panel to discuss marketing. At first I thought… what do I know on this topic? But as I started to reflect on the growth of Company of Women over the past eight years, I thought maybe I do know a thing or two. Here’s a summary of the information I shared.


1. Know and understand your target audience
A common mistake I find with those in start-up mode is that they don’t drill down enough to determine who is their target audience and as a result, they miss the sale. So often there is an attitude of “if I build it, they will come” well not necessarily.

Even when you have mastered who your ideal client is and how to reach them, it is not a time to get complacent. Marketing is ongoing and you have to be constantly checking in, changing things up to make sure you stay current.

2. Create a buzz.
Every time we start in a new community, we work hard to create a buzz and rely heavily on word of mouth referrals which is still the way we attract new women to the group. Like attracts like and women are especially good at spreading the word on a service or program they’ve found and like. Plus the price is right.

3. Have a website and keep it current. It has to be easy to navigate and written in simple language.

4. Use social media
Get involved with social media – it doesn’t take as much time as you think. If you are reading this, you will know that I have a blog. Company of Women is also on Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook. If you want to reach younger people – this is the way to go.

5. Provide useful information – it’s not all about you
On our website we have over 300 articles on business and our magazine is a strong marketing tool. It gives credibility to our group and reflects the professional approach we take to working with women.

6. Stay in touch
Keep yourself front and centre with your customers. We send out a monthly e-zine which has useful information as well as a list of our events. Flyers are also sent out on a regular basis, but it is a fine line and bombarding people is one way to lose them fast. Using a program like Constant Contact helps.

7. Give back/volunteer
As the leader of your own company, you have an opportunity to lead by example. When you give back or volunteer in the community, you just never know what the ripple effect will be. For example, through one volunteer activity for example, I ended up receiving an award, which in turn led to paid speaking engagement in Turkey. It was not why I volunteered, but sure was a nice payback.

8. Be good at what you do – go the extra mile
When you act professionally, share your expertise and help someone else, again it can be paid forward. When one of our members was asked by a reporter who had helped her the most, she said Company of Women which led to a full-page coverage in the Toronto Star, coverage that we could never have afforded.

9. Build relationships
Keep in touch with key clients or influencers, not just to discuss business but to offer congratulations for example on a special award or the birth of a grandchild. Those personal touches keep you front and centre in their mind.

10. Ask for referrals
This may seem obvious, but our existing clients are our best sales force. Ask them to write a testimonial or referral you to a friend or colleague.

It is not recommended that you use one approach to market your business, your strategy has to be multi-faceted. Review and track the results so you can measure what is working best for you. Ask people how they found out about you, you might be surprised, and remember to thank the person who has referred you.

ARE WE AHEAD OF THE TIMES?

What motivates you to succeed? What about your staff? And perhaps more important, what's your definition of success?

It has long been viewed by the corporate world that it is money that drives us to get ahead; that external rewards will propel us to do better and work harder for our employers.

In his new book, Drive, author Daniel Pink reveals that this premise is wrong and “four decades of scientific research on human motivation has revealed a mismatch between what science knows and what business does.”

So what does motivate us? “The secret to high performance and satisfaction at work, at school and at home – is the deeply human need to direct our own lives, to learn and create new things and to do better by ourselves and our world.” says Pink.

Now this “discovery” comes as no surprise to me. I’ve known this for years and it’s not that I am a particularly forward-thinking individual. I am confident if you asked other entrepreneurs, especially women entrepreneurs, the reaction would be the same.

My “drive” if you will, has always been to make a difference and one of the reasons many women start a business is to gain control and direct their own lives. And as for the creating new things – again as entrepreneurs we fit the bill.

Having said that, my hope is that our corporate leaders will read this book and implement the strategies suggested, because maybe then they will catch up with us, and as a human race we can all work together towards common goals.

Farmer or Hunter?

Which are you? That was part of our discussion at the recent Company of Women meeting in Cambridge. Speaker, Carole Cameron, author of Splash, An Introvert’s guide to Being Seen, Heard and Remembered, was talking about the way introverts vs. extraverts network.

I was struck by the farmer vs. hunter analogy because in some ways it speaks to the way some of us network. For me a farmer is someone who sows the seeds, follows up and nurtures the relationship to bring it to fruition, while a hunter is someone in for the kill, who will “stalk” the prospective client after meeting them, to the point where there is only one winner, instead of a win-win situation.

It was an interesting discussion. As one member pointed out, the difference between introvert and extravert is that the latter will enter the room and say “here I am” while the introvert is very much “here you are.”

Carole pointed out that while extraverts are quite comfortable initiating, introverts prefer to respond. Social media has become a medium behind which the introvert can blossom but also hide. It is much easier to respond in this way compared to face-to-face. Extraverts on the one hand, prefer to communicate verbally, while introverts like to communicate in writing through articles, books and other publications.

I consider myself to be a “shy extravert” so I found it interesting that my networking preference was very much to “farm” and to build relationships one-by- one. All of which causes me to question whether I am really a closet introvert, or do we change as we get older?

What do you think?

A SALUTE TO SOPHIE

It’s been a sad week here for us at the office where my dogs are part of the fixtures and fittings. We had to say goodbye to our friend Sophie, a ten-year-old English Setter.

Sophie was always the first to greet visitors when they arrived. She would smile – really – dance enthusiastically and bark her welcome. We didn’t need a doorbell with her around.

Making these life and death decisions is hard, and this was sudden. One day she was fine and the next she was showing signs that she was sick, very sick. As we waited for the results, the debate began on what to do if the news was bad. And it was.

We were actually her third owners so she had only been with us for five years, but we loved her from day one. We already had an English Setter, Henry, when we “adopted” her and they looked so alike people were sure they were brother and sister.

And even though she was younger, smaller and a girl, she was the boss. Henry very quickly learned to do as he was told. Yes, likely we could have all taken some lessons from Sophie on how to handle the male species. She wasn’t afraid to stake her claim or get what she wanted but she was a very loving dog who just loved to sit with her head on your lap, looking up at you with her doleful eyes.

We will miss her.

bizwomen: HONEY - I'M HOME

bizwomen: HONEY - I'M HOME: "February is all about relationships - between Valentine's Day and Family Day, we clearly are supposed to focus on our loved ones. Probab..."

HONEY - I'M HOME

February is all about relationships - between Valentine's Day and Family Day, we clearly are supposed to focus on our loved ones.

Probably not a bad idea, as I know January was pretty hectic for us and in the rush to get everything done, it's probably our personal relationships that end up going on the back burner.

I think I need to start the month, saying "honey, I am home!" I always resolve, especially at the beginning of a new year, that I am going to balance my life more and start to say no.

Last November I started taking Fridays off - something I highly recommend if you can swing it. But of course, not used to downtime, I volunteered to be the editor of the monthly community newspaper.

Between editing the Pioneer, getting our March issue of Company ready and finalizing my book, I have been embroiled in commas and the like all month. All of which I normally would enjoy, but not all at once.

Frankly, it has been a lot, particularly when the timelines were almost the same for each publication and I have ended up working every weekend. Not something I would recommend at all as you don't start your week that refreshed and ready for work. It's when you fall asleep at your desk (which I did) that you know it's time to stop.

So yes, February is going to be about relationships and I am checking back in with my friends and family, before they write me off.

FED UP WITH MEETUP

As part of our marketing strategy last year we signed up for Meetup, through which you can post your events, attract people to join your group and hopefully attend your events.

Sounded like a plan. However it was a lot of work to post the events each month, (we offer 10-12), do the follow up ranking of the meetings and keep connected with those who joined our group.

We ended up with 39 members, none of whom attended any meetings. So while posting on this site was perhaps creating awareness, it wasn’t generating participants, and definitely not recruiting new members.

So I cancelled the listing, informed the members of our decision and encouraged them to come to an event to check us out.

You can therefore imagine my surprise when I get a copy of an email that Meetup has sent out advising the 39 members that we have discontinued the group, not found an organizer to take over and so they are opening it up to the “membership” for someone to apply to run the Company of Women group instead. People had 15 days to submit their application.

I don’t think so. As I said to the folks at Meet Up, “this is my company, my business and I have chosen not to do business with you..“ End of discussion. From my perspective, they have no right to approach complete strangers to see if they want to run a group that bares the name of my company and would have nothing to do with us.

What do you think?

EGO BE GONE

I learned a tough life lesson recently. My ego can get in the way of doing the right and generous thing.

I had volunteered to be the editor of the local monthly newsletter in our community. As someone who has been paid to edit professionally, I believed I had something to offer and it would be a fun way to get to know the community.

But there lies the problem. I was seeing the newsletter as an extension and showcase of my professional skill, without giving too much consideration to the volunteers who dedicated their time to producing the articles.

I am known as a tight writer and editor, and nothing changed as I sat at the computer to edit the articles. Well, not everyone appreciated my editing style and I have already had a run-in with one volunteer whose pride was hurt, when I changed what she’d written.

Not a good start. But I am paying attention to the warning signs. I recognize that if I continue on this path of perfection, I will soon be writing the whole publication myself.

So I am letting go of my usual standards and working more to produce a publication that is truly representative of and written by members of the community. And I am eating humble pie as I try to woo back my disgruntled writer.

Oh the joys of volunteering. I have a feeling I am going to learn more than anyone, and hopefully not always the hard way.

IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME

Not necessarily.

But many new business owners are blinded by this belief.

Next week at the Toronto breakfast I am talking about how to find the ideal customer. A hot topic for small business owners.

When you start out, any customer will do as long as they pay and they pay on time. It’s all about keeping the financial wolves from the door and getting established. We also tend to offer a range of services or products in the hope that one will catch on and we will have found our niche. It is like a fishing expedition.

However, as time goes on, think about how much better it would be if you actually liked the customer, found the work interesting and yes, they paid on time. I don’t know about you but over the years, I have had some members who were, to put it politely “high maintenance” and when they didn’t renew for some reason, I was thrilled. That tells you something. How wonderful it would be if we could just work with people we feel connected to and akin with.

Initially we are just hungry for business, and so may not do the due diligence in determining who would be the “ideal customer.” Yet if we did, we could then be very focused in our marketing, and strategic in how reach and attract the perfect customers.

Being focused and clear on what you have to offer and who you want to serve is half the battle. It sounds simple, yet it doesn’t always happen and in fairness at the beginning, you just don’t know with certainty which of your offerings is going to be the one to take off.

I often compare this to the time we started a vegetable garden at the farm. We did not know what we were doing, but all enthusiastically we planted a broad selection of vegetables, many of which, I must confess did not survive.

One of the first to blossom and grow was the radishes. Now we don’t like radishes, so I questioned our wisdom in planting them in the first place. Likewise, when you start your business, you sow lots of seeds, not sure which will take off, but make sure you don’t throw in something that you don’t like to do.

Over the years at Company of Women we have narrowed down who we want to attract – from the broad definition of women, all shapes and sizes, to professional women in business (for themselves or someone else) who want to invest in themselves and in others.

Who’s your target audience? Be specific. The more you know about your ideal customers, the easier it is to plan a marketing campaign to reach them.

Feel the Fear

Remember that book by Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway? That’s how I feel about 2011.

I have decided in my infinite wisdom that this is going to be THE year of growth, and in order to achieve the goals I have set for us, I am going for broke in hiring the staff and experts to make that happen.

Scary stuff I can tell you. But deep down I know, that if we are going to grow and succeed, I have to take a risk and staff up so we can handle that growth. I’ve also farmed out some of the staff responsibilities to outside service providers, so that in the office we can concentrate on what has to be done and what we do best.

Well, we will either be super-successful or hunkering down at the end of 2011. Time will tell and as a gambling woman, I’ve decided it will be the former, as the other option just doesn’t figure in my plans.

But you have a part of play in this plan. Are you a member? Why not? Now is the time to become part of our dynamic community of women. So my advice - first join Company of Women – it is worth it, I promise, second make sure you participate. Like anything else, you only get out of it, what you put in. So if you don’t attend events, you can’t really expect people to use your product or services – they don’t know who you are.

As Jeffers reflects, “not only am I going to experience fear whenever I am on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.”

We’re in this together.

TIS THE SEASON..

Just one more sleep. Are you excited? I have to confess the Christmas season brings out the kid in me. I love getting the perfect gift for everyone on my list.

I’m ready and as I look out my window at the farm, with snow deep on the ground, the festive scene is set.

My children and their respective partners will be arriving Christmas morning and then the fun begins. Like many families we have our traditions. First it is the stockings, when I like to sit back and watch everyone and their delight (I hope) at what Santa has brought them.

Then rather than have a free for all, one person opens a gift, and then someone else, and so on until all the parcels under the tree are opened and admired. My eco-conscious daughter will then gather up and carefully fold the wrapping and tissue paper so we can use it again.

Each year we receive a cookie jar, complete with cookies, from someone in my husband’s office. So we have fun speculating what the container will be and who will get to take it home. We have quite the collection let me tell you. I had no idea you could get so many different types of cookie jars!

Christmas is a time of family. It’s a time to remember Christmases past and give thanks to those who are no longer with us, because they have shaped our lives and while they be may gone, their love stays with us.


Have a good one.

PRESENCE OR PRESENTS… WHICH ARE YOU GIVING?

Are you ready? Just nine days to go. I am quite proud of myself this year – I have stuck to my commitment not to overdo it. It’s a promise I make to myself every year but this is probably the first time that I have managed not to get carried away with the gift giving. We all have way too much stuff and I didn’t want to add to it. Instead, with some friends for example, we are donating to the charity of our choice.

We’re also hosting a couple of big parties over the holiday season, and again, I am feeling pretty laid back about it all. With one party, I didn’t even ask for people to let me know if they were coming or not. It was actually an oversight on my part, but you know what, it doesn’t matter because the people who show up are the ones who are meant to be there and I will have enough food, I am sure. And if I don’t, well it’s the people I want to see, not how much they can consume in two hours.

Now this really is a new attitude for me. In the past, I would have been double-checking with people to see if they were coming, perusing my cookbooks to plan the menus and cooking for weeks in advance. Not this year. I plan to actually enjoy the parties, rather than being stuck in the kitchen, cooking up a storm.

Why the difference? After a couple of stressful months waiting for test results to learn that it’s nothing too serious, I’ve realized – again – what’s important in life – and it’s presence, not presents.

So my gift to myself is to lighten up, enjoy the moment and treasure those I love.

PROMISES, PROMISES

One of the constant debates in rural communities is when, just when, are going to get high speed Internet?

Remember dial-up? That’s our reality in the country. What you may have forgotten is just how slow it is. Downloading material is just out of the question, and if all of us in the area are online at the same time, forget it. Plus you are tying up a phone line.

In a recent editorial in Harrowsmith Country Life, I chuckled as I read the editorial, in which the country-living editor bemoaned the fact that despite numerous promises of high speed, he no longer believed companies that said they would deliver it.

Tired of waiting, we switched to satellite, but it’s an expensive option and if the weather is stormy, you are out of luck. It’s also not high-speed, so downloading is still a challenge.

Only a month ago we were told that high speed was coming to the neighbourhood, and I came home early to meet up with the installer. He never came. And this is a fairly typical scenario.

I am often asked why I don’t work more from home, especially with modern technology. But the truth of the matter is at the farm we don’t have the benefit of that technology.

When I talked to a young phone salesman, he explained that in some rural areas, we don’t have a “cable footprint.” Well it seems to me that it is time we did.

Removing the mask

I wasn’t sure whether to post my blog last week. Should I be revealing that I sometimes get bogged down in my business, that I was running ragged and ready to pack it all in?

But my daughter encouraged me to put a face to the trials and tribulations of running your own business. And while I felt a bit vulnerable at revealing some home secrets, I have been touched by the response from people congratulating me on sharing my truth, and in some instances, their truth too.

We sometimes feel we live in a vacuum and no one else feels the same as we do, but we would be wrong. And sometimes when we drop the mask of perfection, we learn that we are not alone, and we are valued more for our honesty.

Well let’s hope so because my book is about done and it sure is honest, as I share the pitfalls I have fallen into as well as the successes we have experienced. I believe we can all learn from each other.

Right now some colleagues are reading it. If I felt vulnerable last week, that is nothing to what I feel now. I’m scared they will say I have wasted my time, and I should forget it and stick to my day job. Or that they will judge me, because I have put myself out there.

But I guess that is what leadership is all about – being prepared to stick your head out above the crowd and speak to what is important to you.

Finding My Remote Control

I think there comes a time in your career as an entrepreneur, when your business has taken off and is beginning to run like a well-oiled machine and yet somehow you get lost.

Instead of focusing your energies on what turns your crank, you find yourself tied up in the day-to-day running of the business. If you are creative, and many entrepreneurs are, this can seem like a slow death by torture.

Well, the tap has been dripping on my head for a while now and I have started to feel trapped and suffocated by the very business I created with love and passion. Will someone please let me out of here, before my creative juices run totally dry!

Part of it I know is that I am exhausted. I haven’t taken much of a break over the last few years. I work 60 hour weeks and I have let myself become a martyr to my cause – and that’s not good. I almost need rescuing from this world I have created for myself.

About ready to throw in the towel, I met with my coach with the intention of working on an exit strategy. But she helped me see that I do have options. I can control what I want to do. It just means making some changes in the way we operate and in the way I see myself.

“You need to let go of being a manager, and become a leader, Anne.” she observed. How freeing is that! Leadership doesn’t scare me – I’ve been doing it all my life. Being a manager, on the other hand, now that is a totally different story.

We all start businesses with different strengths, interests and passions. It’s a combination of that commitment and determination that helps us become successful. And while I still have the passion, I haven’t been playing from my strengths for some time now. Instead I’ve got bogged down in a management role, and there are times when that seems stifling.

Before I totally burned out, I started this month taking my Fridays off – and that has made a difference. Not having to drive two hours on the 401, is an amazing gift to myself. And I plan to use the holidays to revisit what I want to do. Where do I fit in this company? What will bring me joy, bring back the excitement and that bounce to my step?

It will likely mean that we have to reconfigure the jobs in the office, so other people can take over the parts of the work that I want to shed. But that’s OK – it means growth for everyone, and provides an opportunity for us all to revisit what we want to do, so we are all motivated and working from our strengths.

Amazing how one short conversation can turn things around. Instead of closing our doors, I am actually excited at the idea of how I can shape my role to not only meet my needs, but draw on my talents and those of the rest of my team. I’ve found my remote control.

Will the real Anne Day please come back? I think she just might.

MENTORING

When I look back on my career, I never really had a formal mentor. I was fortunate enough at one point to have a manager who saw skills and potential in me, long before I recognized my strengths, and she would assign me projects that were a stretch and through which I gained some confidence and expertise.

However, when you run your own business, you don’t have that insightful manager to point you in the right direction. That’s why the mentoring program offered through the Canadian Youth Business Foundation is such a good idea.

The organization not only hands out grants to young would-be entrepreneurs, but they match them up with a more seasoned business owner, so they are not alone and have someone to bounce around ideas and learn effective strategies to run their businesses.

I know I would have loved to have had someone like that when I launched my business, because at the beginning, you don’t know what you don’t know.

When I first started mentoring women entrepreneurs I was a bit nervous – after all what did I know about the IT industry, for example, but what I have found is that you don’t have to have all the answers, but can connect your protégé to someone who does. Plus, no matter what the business is, the issues are often the same. Much of it is common sense, and as someone who is older (not necessarily wiser), I have a lot of experiences from which to draw on.

Right now I am mentoring three young women and I find it’s a positive experience and I learn as much as hopefully they do.

On Wednesday, we are hosting a Mentoring for Growth panel and we will hear from one such mentoring pair on what has worked in their relationship and the impact on the young entrepreneur’s business.

One concern I hear from people is that they just don’t have the time, but you know what it doesn’t have to take hours – I allocate a certain amount of time each month to each young woman, book the time in advance and for that time period, they have my undivided attention, whether it be over the phone, by email or face-to-face. Yes, there is follow up and sometimes I link them with someone, but that’s it.

Bottom line, you can ask your questions, give advice but the end decision rests with the protégé as it should. Taking over is not helpful and does not instill confidence in the young business owner.

If you are interested in getting involved, check out the Foundation’s website at www.cybf.ca. There is a quote I’ve always liked – “all that you give to the lives of others, comes back into your own.”

POWER OF COLLABORATION AND CONNECTIVITY…not

Did you know that the two big events that honour Canadian women are being held on the same night, at the same time and in the same city – Toronto?

It would appear that both WXN’s 100 Most Powerful Women (which was held over lunch in the past) and the Canadian Woman Entrepreneur of the Year awards are scheduled for November 29.

But it was when I read the title of the WXN keynote presentation - the Power of Collaboration and Connectivity – that the irony of the situation struck me. Clearly these groups have not connected and if they have, there was no sense of collaboration, or they would have changed their plans.

As women there are so few celebrations when we can recognize and pay tribute to our peers, our role models. So it is too bad that these two leading organizations could not have got their acts together and chosen different dates.

Maybe it’s time to walk the talk.

REAL LEADERSHIP

At the final ATHENA award presentation, my good friend, Diana Saulez, was honoured for all her hard work, commitment and leadership with ATHENA Oakville, and was presented with an ATHENA sculpture in recognition of her contribution. It was personally the highlight of the evening for me.

Now this was a complete surprise to Diana. She hadn’t even noticed that all her staff from Soleil Salon and Spa were in the audience as well as her son. They had been dodging in and out so she wouldn’t see them and give away the surprise. But you know what, I think even if Diana had seen them, she would never have imagined that they were there to celebrate her getting an award. She is so unassuming and modest, which is what makes her so special.

And this was evident in her acceptance speech. It truly was a surprise for her, so she gave an off-the-cuff, thank you speech. She was herself – real and humble. After a few tears, she started off emotionally saying she was truly grateful for waterproof mascara!

She then talked about how she got involved, her personal growth in leading ATHENA Oakville and how blessed she was to have surrounded herself with people who believed in her, gave her the courage to take risks, step out of her comfort zone and had the skills to help her achieve amazing success for ATHENA Oakville.

Now that is true leadership – humble, recognizing the contributions of others and sharing the spotlight.

Congratulations Diana.! You deserve all the kudos coming your way.

WOMEN RULE

“Forget China, India and the Internet, economic growth is driven by women” The Economist.

I love this quote. It was one shared by a speaker from Portugal at the recent TIAW Global Summit. I learned so much at this two-day event, including the following inspiring story.

It is hard enough here to get a loan for your business, but imagine what it is like in other countries, where women have no rights, no property and no access to money.

That’s how it used to be in India, but thanks to the efforts of Selima Ahmad
and women like her, that situation is changing. A successful business owner herself, she could see that women were not able to get ahead without the support and finances to build a business.

So she lobbied to have a Women’s Chamber of Commerce in Bangladesh. At first she was turned down, but she would not give up and found a loop-hole clause that meant that the government had to do something. They agreed to her request, provided she made it to the government buildings by a certain time to sign the documents. She lived 45 minutes from that location, and there was no way she could make their deadline.

Being a creative and determined woman, she decided to find alternative, fast transportation to get her there on time. So she called for an ambulance! You can just imagine the officials’ faces when she stepped out, pen in hand all ready to sign the necessary paperwork.

But she didn’t stop there, using the same lobby tactics and persistence, in 2006 she persuaded the banks to set aside $13 million to provide loans to women-owned businesses.

Oh that I wish she could do that here!

BUGS BE GONE

I knew early on this fall that this past week would be a marathon. And I wasn’t wrong.

Last week started with the early Small Business Breakfast on the Monday. Tuesday saw another early start with the Small Business Trade Show in Toronto where we had a busy booth, which was followed that evening with our Oakville dinner.

That alone would be enough excitement for the week, but no, we had the launch in Pickering on the Wednesday night and Thursday was spent interviewing for our social media intern. The week came to a welcome close with the launch of our breakfast meetings in Kitchener.

But what I hadn’t calculated or allowed for – was this stubborn cold that is infiltrating offices and homes across Canada, and all three of us in the office are at varying stages of battling the bug.

When you have school-age children, it goes with the territory that you catch some of the germs they generously bring home. So Vesna was the first to fall foul of the cold.

Travelling on a plane, left me a sitting target and it didn’t help that a man actually sneezed all over me. Clearly he’d never watched the commercials of sneezing and coughing into his arm. So fresh and relaxed from my holiday, I brought home some extra unwanted baggage – a doozy of a cold which seems to have a life of its own. It has been two weeks now and it’s showing no signs of going away.

And inevitably, Megan succumbed and she’s been off all week.

So it was a struggle this week to pull off all the events, be professional and welcoming, while all the time we just wanted to be at home, cozy in our PJs, sipping hot lemon.

But that’s what we do as women, mothers and wives, isn’t it. We carry on.

TAKE A BREAK

No phone. No emails. No interruptions. Sounds like heaven doesn’t it. Where was I? On my annual trek to the Isle of Man, which is a tiny island between England, Scotland and Ireland.

It’s my little piece of heaven and a step back in time. We even had good weather – with the sun shining, the water glistening and lashing to the shores, and the sheep grazing on the hills, the scenery is breathtaking and pretty hard to beat.

Unfortunately it is quite a distance to go, but well worth it once you get there. We walked, read books and just enjoyed the peace and quiet. We were even there to celebrate a friend’s 80th birthday.

As business owners we need to give ourselves permission to take a break, to refuel and recharge our energy for the months ahead. How many hours a week do you work? By my calculations, I can easily put in 60 hours/week.

After just a week away, I realize that is crazy and so I have resolved to take myself in hand and take more time for myself – just to read, write or reflect on life.

So next time you see me and I look all harried – remind me – to stop and take a breath.

PS – Back two days, and I get THE cold that is going around – that’s one of the negatives of being on a plane – you literally are a sitting target for those germs 

LET'S PARTY

I recently attended the President’s Dinner – a homecoming alumni event at Sheridan College. It was a lovely evening and a great idea. I got to meet some interesting people and as a result felt a renewed investment in and connection to Sheridan.

Have you ever brought your customers together? Had them in the same room to meet, network and get to know one another? You know it might work well, and create a strong community of people who believe in what you do. It is also a way to thank them and show your appreciation for their business.

With the holiday season fast approaching, this could be the time to execute this strategy. If you do, let me know what happens. My guess, is it will strengthen your relationship with your customer base.

TRUST YOUR INTUITION

I have a toothache. It’s been niggling away at me for weeks, actually months. I know I need to do something about it, but I’ve been trying to ignore it, in the hope it will just go away. I also know that it is going to be expensive to fix, so I hang in there, delaying what in the end is the inevitable.

Why do we do that? It’s the same in business. So often we don’t listen to our intuition and keep trying to fix something that is broken – be it an employee that is not working out, a client who isn’t a good fit, a process that doesn’t really generate the results we need or on the personal front, hanging in with a marriage that is beyond repair.

Always the optimist, I try to see the best in everyone and every opportunity, but sometimes I likely need to remove my rose-coloured glasses and face reality. Not everyone comes to the table with the same perspective. Not everyone is motivated to make a deal a win-win situation for all involved and more to the point, we don’t have to “get into bed” with everyone, just because they make what sounds like an attractive offer.

Listen to your gut. Let it guide you and don’t be afraid to take that tough decision. Deal with it. Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen. Sometimes, it is not as bad as you think. And you end up feeling more confident because you’ve done what you knew deep down had to be done.

And I know… I will call the dentist this week. I promise.

ARE YOU READY?

Recently I received a call from someone who wanted to take her program on the road. She wanted my advice on how to proceed and how to take her business to the next level.

After asking a few questions, it was clear that while she’d had a lot of interest in her program from other cities, she needed to spend some time documenting what she did; thinking about the guidelines and parameters under which the program would work in other cities and build in some processes to ensure that the people or organizations she recruited would be true to the essence of her program.

I cautioned her about leaping in and trying to expand too quickly, especially if she didn’t have the staffing or programs in place to manage the growth. My suggestion was that she tried a pilot program, perhaps close to her base, so she could monitor what was happening and learn from that experience before embarking on a full-blown expansion.

As a community developer, I’ve often found that what works in one community, may not work in another and it is important to tailor your offerings to suit the local group. So I suggested that she might also want to think about what was a must-have, and what could be left to the discretion of the community.

So often we feel flattered and pressured when other groups express interest in having your program or service in their community. It is easy to get seduced into growing before you are ready.

Like any business expansion, there needs to be homework done to ensure that all the pieces are in place, not just one enthusiastic fan who could disappear just as fast she appeared, leaving you holding the baby.

HAVING A BAD DAY

What a week. Especially on Monday. It seemed like Friday the 13th not Monday the 13th. Now I knew going into the week that it would be hectic, we had a lot on, but did not allow for how so many things could go wrong, and as a result delay everything.

First our Wednesday speaker emailed to say she was stuck in Tel Aviv and might not make it back in time. Decision time. Do we cancel now or run the risk of a no-show speaker? We cancelled which meant phone calls to all registered, refunds, etc…

One of the computers is out of commission but a quick call to our tech guy, and we are back in business. The next issue of the magazine arrives – great – it is one day early and now we can ship it out. No. The website at the courier service we use is down – all day.

You get the picture I am sure. I went to check my horoscope thinking it might give me a clue – I mean - perhaps in astrology-speak mercury was in retrograde or something, but it’s not that relevant. The next day, I decide early on to read my horoscope, hoping it would shed some light on the day ahead. Guess what – same wording.

That’s strange I thought and then I see it – at the bottom of the page. The Globe and Mail was apologizing because they’d printed Tuesday’s horoscopes on Monday. Good to know. Guess we weren’t the only ones having a bad day.

SLAYING SOME DRAGONS

Do you have any irrational fears? This week I tackled a couple of mine head-on. I have never been a comfortable driver, although I will say with the move to the farm and my daily treks on the 401, I am getting better, but driving long distances is still not in my comfort zone, especially if I don’t know where I am going.

Then there’s public speaking, which many put pretty close to death on the fear scale. It has certainly been one of mine for years. Even in high school I would go to ridiculous lengths to avoid having to speak in front of a group of people, especially my peers.

I’ll admit Company of Women has helped me gain more confidence in this arena but I would never put myself out there as a public speaker, yet after this week – maybe I can.

I was invited to be the keynote speaker at the launch of the Peterborough Women’s Business Network 50 year celebration. I agreed – but as I was driving there on Wednesday I realized I was tackling two fears for the price of one. Driving and public speaking – all in one day – what was I thinking!

Well I got there and back in one piece without any incident – not sure what I would do without my GPS and as for the speech – I blew myself away – I didn’t even look at my notes and just talked for 45 minutes. As one person commented, this may have been the launch of my speaking career – but who knew. And the other neat part – I actually enjoyed it.

So never say never, because you could prove yourself wrong.

POSITIVE FEEDBACK COUNTS..

I learned an important lesson this week. No matter how competent and professional people are, they still need to be told they are doing a good job.

As my way to say thank you to the writers for our magazine, Company, I hosted a luncheon in my home. This is actually an annual event in the summer, and my way of acknowledging their contribution to the success of the magazine.

However, as our discussion evolved, it became clear that writing makes us feel vulnerable because when your work is published, you really are putting yourself out there and leaving yourself open to criticism or negative comment.

And so the women were anxious to know if they were doing OK. I was surprised – because to my mind, if they weren’t doing OK – they’d be hearing from me or wouldn’t be writing for us anymore. What I’d forgotten is everyone needs to be validated; to know that they are on the right track and their efforts are appreciated.

So note to self – be more generous with the praise and positive feedback, because no matter who you are – hearing you are doing well, matters.

ASK AND YOU WILL RECEIVE

Years ago, and I mean years ago, I used to have a parenting column in the local newspaper. Once a month I would tackle some issue related to raising children, often using my own experiences as fodder for the articles.

One such column addressed the challenges and competitiveness of Halloween. As someone who didn’t sew, I was complaining about how far we had come from the original concept of the kids just dressing up in what ever was around the house.

No, instead parents were creating costumes that were worthy of the local dramatic group, or spending a small fortune to buy one that represented the latest hot character – be it Superman or a creature from Star Wars.

Well, as a result of that column, a neighbour, an older woman whose kids were long gone from home, came over with several costumes. She’d read my article, and taking pity on my lack of sewing skills, gave me the costumes, so that my girls could look the part and hold their heads high that Halloween.

While I hadn’t expected my neighbour’s generosity, this story does show the power of putting it out there – of stating what you need – even back then the universe provided. What do you need? Have you asked for help?

In a recent LinkedIn discussion in the Company of Women group, one member asked about recommendations for email marketing. There has since been a flurry of emails, with other members being all-supportive, suggesting different resources. A modern-day example of how when you ask for help, people will rally round. Why not try it, you might be surprised.

Now after the success of the Halloween column, my husband, always quick on the uptake, suggested that in my next column I write that I couldn’t cook, hoping that the reaction would be similar and people would drop off meals!

And no, I didn’t. You also need to learn when to stop while you are ahead.

NO MORE NICE GIRL?

For years now emotional intelligence (EI) has been touted as an important skill set to have, and one that women in particular, have mastered.

It was Daniel Goleman who popularized this concept. He found that the most effective leaders were alike in one crucial way – they had emotional intelligence. They had empathy for other people.

However, recently German researchers have found that being nice doesn’t pay and in fact women who are agreeable, earned $80,000 less in their lifetime that those who were more ruthless and demonstrated more male behaviours.

It is now believed that to survive and succeed in business, you need toughness. So often, observes Suzy Welch, former editor of the Harvard Business Review, women take on the good mother role. She believes that “empathy paralyzes you when you need to make tough people decisions or give tough feedback.”

And certainly when you talk to successful entrepreneurs, they admit that they’ve kept someone on the payroll longer than they should and that in hindsight, they would have done better to fire the employee early on when the signs were there that it wasn’t going to work.

Another component of emotional intelligence is self-knowledge and this too, researchers believe, turns out to be a dangerous weapon for women at work. Research suggests that men tend to over-estimate their abilities, while women tend to underestimate theirs. Women doubt themselves and self-doubt is not an asset in business.

However, in a recent study, How Remarkable Women Lead, the two female consultants argue that a woman’s emotional depth helps her be not just a better person, but a better leader who can deliver results.

Personally I like the way women lead and their collaborative approach to business. Being sensitive to people’s needs can take you a long way. But success lies in knowing when to use your emotional intelligence, and when to make the tough decisions that have to be made if your business is to survive and grow.

What do you think?

A cautionary tale

I recently attended a free workshop, which while mildly informative, seemed aimed at promoting a bigger, better and expensive event down the road. Throughout the workshop there were hints of what was to come if we signed up, almost a tease if you will, and the last fifteen minutes were totally spent up-selling us on this other program. I know... nothing in life is free, and what did I expect.

Well I left at that point, thinking thanks, but no thanks. However, later I received a phone call to see if I was interested, and I advised no. Then I received around six emails in that many days, encouraging me to sign up and not miss out on this special offer, which frankly at over $1,200+ did not seem that special an offer to me. Ultimately, weary of all the solicitation, I unsubscribed.

End of story, or so I thought. So you can imagine my annoyance when I received an email from someone who had taken the training, was raving about it and introducing me to the presenter, who gave a further pitch for the next program to be offered.

I‘m not normally someone who reacts strongly or so immediately, but in this instance I zapped off an email saying I didn’t appreciate this overture and that it seemed like someone trying to sneak in the back door, when I had already locked it.

Now I personally like and respect the people involved, but they are misguided. They need to know that this form of aggressive selling, truly doesn’t work with people like me. In fact, it does the opposite, it is a total turn-off.

So if you are someone who believes that aggressive sales tactics are perfectly fine and part of doing business, fine, but just don’t bother me, because I am not home, I am not interested and I am not buying. Period.

READ THE SMALL PRINT

We’re always told to be careful about the small print. I remember hearing a story of how one company got people to sign up, and by just clicking on their site that you agreed to the terms and conditions, you’d actually agreed to sell your soul.

Clearly this company was making a point. We’re often all too quick to check that little box, without really reading it through.

Last week, I almost… almost, made a grave error. I’d agreed dates with the venue we’ve used for the past year for our breakfast meetings and they’d sent me the contracts to sign. I’d actually signed one when I suddenly looked at the figures. They didn’t make sense and when I got out my calculator and did the math, I found that they’d doubled the price!

They didn’t point this out. Maybe they thought I would just sign – and I nearly did or that I would be fine paying more than I am charging. Right. And there was also no negotiation once I confronted them on it, so guess what … we’re dining elsewhere.

But the moral of this story, is check the bottom line. Don’t always assume that people will alert you to changes. Read the small print, because we’d hate you to lose your soul.

DO WOMEN HAVE THE WINNING INSTINCT?

This spring we had a panel of successful athletes share how to develop a winning attitude. Much of their conversation focused on our inner talk, and how when we focus, visualize ourselves winning, it can happen.

So I was interested to read the latest research in a recent issue of Psychologies about whether women really have the winning instinct. Traditionally we assume that women are less competitive than men, and lack the killer instinct that will enable them to win at all costs. However, the latest research shows that women can and do compete, they just experience the stress of competing differently to men.

“We found that men and women were just as good as each other at coping with stress, but worry about different things.” Observes sports psychologist .Dr. Mariana Kaiseler. “Men are more stressed by outcomes and whether they will win or lose. Getting the reward is their main motivation.” Women on the other hand are more concerned about performance. Men rely on planning prior to a game, while women prefer to talk about their anxieties.

Significantly researchers have found that while women admit to more anxiety, it doesn’t appear to make them less successful. If anything admitting to anxieties and fears can be positive. Women tend to be more co-operative and have greater levels of self-disclosure and as a result, they are more likely to get help for a problem. Whereas men are more closed and don’t like to admit to weaknesses.

Another female trait is that women tend to downplay their abilities on and off the sports pitch, but men come across as more confident and tend to rate themselves higher, whether worthy of that rating or not.

Sports psychologists describe mental toughness as key to success and there are the four C’s – commitment to winning, confidence, ability to control your emotions and view a stressful situation as a challenge. Certainly as entrepreneurs we often see challenges as opportunities.

Here are four tips that the sports psychologists provide on cultivating a winning instinct:

1. Overcome negative thoughts – Walk away or distract yourself if you fall into negative predictions of what could happen.

2. Don’t let one mistake colour the rest of your performance. See it as a one-off and look at ways to learn from that situation.

3. Reflect on why really want to win and do well. Is it to please other people or does the desire come from within you to prove yourself?

4. Accept that you are not perfect. After making an error, the best players refocus very quickly on what’s in front of them. Learn to deal with setbacks and move on.

QUICK ASSUMPTIONS

Have you ever noticed how some words take on a whole meaning of their own? How we can get the wrong end of the stick by making quick assumptions?

For example, much is written these days about social media and if you just latch on to the word social you could assume, wrongly in my view, that it was just about making friends and being social, rather than being about business and involve work.

When I worked in government I reported to someone who didn’t like the word play with regards to children – it sounded too frivolous to him – so we had to change all the wording in documents to read knowledge-based activities. Given that children learn through play this wasn’t far off the mark, but why make it so complicated and what was wrong with saying it as it is?

More recently, I’ve come across the book The One Page Business Plan which my Me Inc participants asked me to include in the program. Now this is a useful book and it does walk you through the process, but the words one-page do imply a quick fix, an easy task. That you can boil down your plans to one page, actually requires a lot of work. You still have to go through the research, do your homework and think through what you actually want to achieve. The fact that you can capture it on one page is the bonus, but without doing the work required to get there, it’s a waste of paper.

We live in a world that wants instant fixes, that makes quick assumptions and judgments, and sometimes, we just have to slow down, and do it the old-fashioned way –one step at a time.

THE WORST DOESN'T ALWAYS HAPPEN

We just got cows on our farm, which I suppose given the acronym of Company of Women may seem appropriate. But I was not enthusiastic, and in fact told my husband that living on a farm was one thing, but I hadn’t signed up for cows.

Of course, regardless of my concerns, he went ahead. There are eight of them – mainly black and white and one brown fellow that kind of gets left out by the others. It’s as if they know she’s different.

My fears focused on the noise – like they would wake us up early at weekends – and the smell, and I have to confess neither has happened. In fact I think I have only heard them “moo” once. They are in such a large field, which admittedly is near the farmhouse, but we hardly ever see them. In fact I started to get concerned one day when I hadn’t seen them for a while. I had this picture in my mind of them lying legs in the air in the middle of the field, and we’d never know.

You may be thinking this is all very nice and domestic Anne but what does it have to do with business? Well, my point to this story is that sometimes the worst doesn’t happen and when we are open to new experiences, we can be pleasantly surprised. I actually like having them around – but ssh that’s our secret – heaven knows what Andy would get next if he knew he’d converted me.

And no, we haven’t named them. Although my son-in-law came up with a few names like sirloin steak and ground beef.

WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER

Is there part of your work that always seems to be a thorn in your side – sort of a necessary evil? That is how I feel about our print directory. I never forget the first one we did – it was like Murphy’s Law – what could go wrong, did. From losing the database to computer crashes to people getting sick, the 2004 directory finally appeared six months late and in 2005!

And here we are again. We’re about to publish the directory – this time using a new format – and already we’ve hit a snag. A pretty big one. Despite all the emails, the reminders and prompts, over 120 members have not got their information up on the website, which is where we take the data for the print directory.

So like the teacher chastising the tardy students, last night I emailed each and every one of them to give an extended deadline, with the warning that if they don’t get it in by then, they’re out of luck and we proceed without them.

I know we are all busy with far too much to do, myself included. Although I have to say, I work well to deadlines. My concern is that you can bet some of these people will be the first to complain that they didn’t get any business through us, when they haven’t done their bit to make it happen.

There, lecture over. The one good thing from the personal emails, is that members seem grateful that we’ve taken the time to contact them. Personally I call it customer service.

TRY FIRST

When my kids were growing up, they would often ask where something was before even looking for it, and invariably it was right in front of them. And at times, well occasionally, they thought Mom had extra-special vision as even from a distance I would instinctively know where something was located.

Unfortunately some of us carry this practice into adulthood, and rather than persevere and try to learn for ourselves, we automatically assume we can’t and ask someone else for the answers or to do it for us. I know I have been guilty of this one, especially around anything technical or mathematical.

But really we sell ourselves short. And think of the sense of accomplishment, if we worked it all out and did it for ourselves. So next time you are faced with something you are not sure how to do, take a deep breath, tell yourself you can, and give it the “good college try” because when we revert back to the practices of childhood, we don’t move forward, in fact we go back.

ONE STEP AT A TIME

To celebrate Canada Day, one of our farm neighbours held a barn dance last weekend where we all learned to square dance.

Definitely a new experience and I have to confess, my husband was a reluctant participant. He’s hard to get on the dance floor at the best of times, let alone to learn something new.

It was interesting to see how the instructor taught us. First he would walk us through the steps – starting with basics, then we did it to music. We’d have a break and then he’d up the ante a bit, and teach us something a bit more complicated. This went on all evening, until the finale which was by far the most difficult routine.

Not sure what he does for his day job, but he sure understood how adults learn. He built it up gradually, rather than shoving us in at the deep end. He let us walk through the steps without music first so that by the time we did the dance, we had a sense of what to do. By the end of the evening, we had more confidence and could tackle that last dance, but if he’d started there, he would have lost us. Giving us breaks worked well too – and actually we needed them because it is quite a work out.

Starting a business is just the same. We need to start in the shallow end. Do our homework, learn the basic steps and building on that, move forward. So often people are impatient, anxious to get going, without realizing that you have to lay the foundation if you want to build a solid business.

Just as Gary Vaynerchuk says in his book, Why Now is Time to Crush It! Cash in on Your Passion, you have to prepare yourself for a marathon. Few of us make it in a sprint.

And as for the square dancing – you know what - it was fun.

Read Why Now is the Time to Crush It! Cash in On Your Passion this weekend. As recommended by author, have signed up for Ping

WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALL

Like many women, I like to keep people happy. Although I have learned through my seven years of running Company of Women that this is impossible. You can’t please everyone – I just look at the diverse range of evaluations we receive after an event, to wonder if the respondents were actually at the same event! And as for those who complain about too much balsamic vinegar in the dressing – they need to get a life.

So I really thought I had got over this need to please. Wrong. On Tuesday, our new team at Company of Women, eight of us in total, went off for a retreat. We wanted to spend the day together, getting to know one another and forming a shared vision for the future.

It was exciting for me to see others so enthusiastic about Company of Women and what we can do to help women grow, both professionally and personally. As one person observed, as a group we were pretty diverse in our backgrounds and experiences, but then so is our membership, and there was mutual respect for what we could accomplish together.

In our recent survey, women had raised several ideas of how Company of Women could support them. We were using those results to brainstorm ways in which we could address those needs. As ever keen to meet those expectations, I had all sorts of ideas of what we could do, but the team was quick to remind me that we can’t be all things to all people and perhaps the women had to take responsibility for helping themselves achieve their goals.

It was a timely reminder that I need to keep my focus laser-sharp or we run the risk of diluting what we do and spreading our limited resources too thin. Left to my own devices, I likely would have just leapt in, which speaks to the importance of surrounding yourself with people who will give honest feedback and tell you when you are moving in the wrong direction.

And it is not that we are going to ignore the survey results, but more we will look at what we currently offer and make sure people are aware of the opportunities available to them and will form strategic alliances where appropriate, rather than relying and delivering all the programs and services ourselves.

WE FOUND OUR BEAT

I must confess I was bit like a little kid organizing a surprise party. Only a handful of people knew what we were planning at the end of our Journey to Success conference. We called the session Finding Your Beat – an interactive activity – which actually accurately described what we would be doing – but I suspect no one really imagined that it would be drumming.

We led the women into the room, table by table, as the drummers drummed them in. Without a word being said, the women picked a drum, sat down and started drumming. It was fascinating to watch as women joined in. There they were, many in their finest, with an African drum between their legs, pounding and following the rhythm in the room.

Most people, myself included, really got into it and when we finished our first “performance” there was a loud howl as we congratulated ourselves on the music we’d made.

Now ending the conference on this “note” was a risk, and to be honest not everyone participated, some people left and that is fair enough, but for those who stayed (around 150 women) it was an empowering way to end an inspiring day and my sense was that the women left feeling they could tackle anything.

And Terri – who led us through the activity, landed another contract from someone who participated. Now that is what it is all about.

Oh The Places You will Go

It’s done. I shared my pearls of wisdom with the 2010 graduating class from Sheridan College on Wednesday. It was quite the gathering with over 300 students graduating from the ECE program, plus their family and friends.

I can’t tell you how many times I wrote and re-wrote that speech. I would write it, rehearse it in my head as I went to sleep and then when I woke in the morning, decide, no, it still needed some fine-tuning.

I also asked around to find out what Convocation speeches usually cover. The main feedback was that they are boring. Definitely didn’t want to go there.

In the end I used a combination of previous versions, and added as I went along at the actual event. I narrowed it down to four pieces of advice – any more than that and I thought I would lose their attention, and being menopausal I didn’t want to stretch my memory either!

What did I say?

1. Take risks – stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone. Even if it doesn’t work out, it’s a lesson learned, not a mistake.

2. Volunteer – you gain as much as you give, if not more

3. Your attitude determines your altitude. Life happens and while you can’t control everything, you can control how you react.

4. Believe in yourself. Surround yourself with positive people who will support you. Make sure to take time for yourself.

I ended by reading a few verses from Dr. Seuss’ “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.”

My thanks to those of you who sent in tips and advice to share with the students. I tried to incorporate them where I could.

And the response – I got a lot of positive feedback from teachers, parents and students, including one young man who has attended all the convocations so far this year and thought my speech was by far the best. So all in all – a worthwhile experience for everyone.

WORDS OF WISDOM

What advice would you give to graduating students about to embark on their career?

I have been pondering this for a few weeks now since I was asked to speak at the Convocation for students graduating from the Early Childhood Education program at Sheridan College.

Suddenly clichéd phrases like “find your passion” seem overused and what does that mean anyway? In a recent blog, Seth Godin brought up the whole art of speaking simply instead of trying to impress or confuse the listener with a stream of words that frankly amount to nothing. And I agree. But then I have always been of the ilk that what you see, is what you get.

I have ten minutes to share the wisdom I have learned in over 40 years of working. Hmm. Where to start? I’ve decided to focus on taking risks and being open to new opportunities. Perhaps that’s my entrepreneurial spirit speaking out, but I would hate to see young people stuck, although with the way they seem to skip from one job to the next, this may not be a concern for them.

But it’s not so much about the job jumping, it’s about being open to changing careers. I find that young people sometimes think that once they have settled on a career, that’s it, whether they like it or not. I don’t know about you, but I have had a very eclectic career working in different sectors, although admittedly always focusing on women or children.

When I think of all the lessons I have learned, it has always been when I have stretched myself or made an error in judgement. Note I don’t say mistake, because I don’t think they are mistakes – they are lessons I had to learn, and sometimes the hard way.

Truth of the matter is, no matter what I say on Wednesday, these young people will go forward and learn their own lessons. You just want them to do so with their self-esteem in tact and surrounded by people who care for them.

It takes me back to my early days of teaching a program called Your Child’s Self Esteem, where the two key ingredients to having high self-esteem are believing “I am lovable” and “I am worthwhile.” Seems to me the same applies to us as adults.

WHEN WEST MEETS EAST

Istanbul is a city of contrasts. It has one foot in the western world, symbolized by the tall high rises on the city landscape, but with over 2,200 mosques across the city; the women, young and old, wearing headscarves and the chanting throughout the day, you cannot deny the strong religious and eastern overtones. And then there’s the pockets of poverty, where buildings that are crumbling and collapsing, are actually lived in and like any other major city, where street beggars, often children, approach you for money.

The International Women’s Leadership and Entrepreneurship Summit was very much like the city.

Organized by Kagider, the Women Entrepreneurs Association of Turkey, like the tall buildings, these women stood out. To be a member of the association they have to achieve a certain level of success and with their power and influence, they wanted to create awareness and dialogue about the important role of women in Turkish society.

And they are to be congratulated on bringing such a diverse group of speakers together – from senior ministers within the Turkish government, to leaders in the corporate world, to academics and a handful of “experts” from around the world.

However, like the city itself, you could not ignore the religious implications of being a woman in Turkey. Without doubt, the most heated discussions (and I mean heated) centred on religion and diversity. Listening through an interpreter made it hard to follow at times and it became so explosive that you could see that these issues are deep-rooted and not going to be resolved easily. It’s complex but at least the summit opened the doors for dialogue on topics that are not normally aired in a public forum.

While outwardly Turkey appears to be a progressive country , like the pockets of poverty, there are areas where they have a long way to go in supporting women. With only 26% of women in the labour force, the infrastructure is just not in place. For example, child care for working mothers is minimal and gender equity policies not developed or implemented.

In Canada our research has shown that the first six years of a child’s life are the most important in terms of learning. In Turkey, preschool programs for children are only for the few families who can afford it and the compulsory starting age for school is six. All of which has implications for the growth and development of children, and impacts their mothers’ potential to work outside the home.

Listening for two days through a translator, has given me a fresh perspective on what it is like to come to a country and not understand the language. It is hard to concentrate for that long and in not knowing the language, you also miss the nuances of what is being said.

All this to say, that I am still digesting all that I learned at the summit – about Turkey, the plight of women living there and my own understanding and acceptance of cultural differences. But one thing I do know, I met some fascinating and wonderful women who enriched the experience and with whom I hope to keep in touch.

And hey – I can now say I am an international speaker!!

GOING GLOBAL

Recently I had the pleasure of interviewing Pamela Wallin, someone I have admired and respected for a long time. She started off as a social worker in the prison system – a far cry from where she has landed as a Senator in the Canadian Parliament.

When I asked her about whether she had any idea of how her life would unfold, she told me that her rule was to say “yes” to anything that took her out of her comfort zone.

I remembered her words when I was asked to come speak at the Global Women’s Leadership Summit in Turkey, because my first reaction was to decline as public speaking is definitely not in my comfort zone! Plus no pressure, Hillary Clinton was their keynote last year. So with some fear and in trepidation, I said yes, and here I am today, getting packed up and ready to go.

The organizers have sent me the questions in advance and I am glad they did, because the role of civic society is not something I tend to think about on a daily basis. As I look at the array of speakers in place – professors, diplomats and women leaders from around the world, I am trying not to get intimidated.

I’ve done my homework. In fact, I was still researching on the weekend and then decided to stop. I have to remind myself that I need to talk about what I know, as someone “in the trenches” if you will.

So stay tuned as I go global.

LATEST SCOOP ON GOOGLE

Did you know that Canadians carry out on average 143 searches on Google a month? Or that the location of Tim Hortons is the most downloaded information in Canada?

These were just two of the facts shared at our Toronto breakfast when Sabrina Geremia
from Google came to share the latest from Google.. And for those of you who were not there, here are the seven tools she recommended for small business owners:

1. Ad words
2. Google Analytics
3. Google Insight and Search
4. YouTube.com
5. Google Enterprise
6. Moderator
7. Webmaster

Many of these resources are free of charge.

It is predicted that by 2013, the mobile will be the most common way to access the Internet.

Doubt be gone

As I go through the surveys recently completed by women who are part of the Company of Women community, I am struck by how many have told us that they feel isolated and suffer from self-doubt, questioning their ability to make their business a success.

It’s good to know really because all of us go through those emotions, and we tend to think we are the only ones who struggle with our confidence. Wrong. Everyone, even the most successful, has had moments of self-doubt.

The key is not to let the fear paralyze you, making it impossible to move forward with your dreams.

Whenever I have felt overwhelmed and out of my depth, I have called on my friends to bolster me up – and they do – just as I do for them when they need an injection of confidence. Think about who you could call on – who’s on your team?

And if my confidence reaches a real low, I go to my Success Box, where I have kept press clippings, thank you letters and other evidence of my abilities, and I read through the contents. They remind me of the skills and strengths I bring to my business. What would you keep?

When I was first working at home, I would consciously arrange meetings so that I had something and someone to meet most days. This helped to reduce the sense of isolation I would feel. It was good to get out beyond the four walls of my home office – even if it was just to meet a friend for coffee – it worked.

One of the challenges when you first start out, is you don’t know what you don’t know. I found reading business books, talking to other more seasoned business owners and taking courses helped to build my repertoire of knowledge.

Mary Kay once said if you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you’re right. Believe you can, and it will happen.

PS There are some great suggestions in our Company of Women LinkedIn group