As I listened to Debbie’s daughters describe what she was
like, I started to wonder exactly what my daughters and friends would say about
me after I died?
It’s an interesting thought isn’t it. We all want our lives to have meaning, to bring
meaning into the lives of others and to leave a legacy that will carry on long
after we have gone.
Debbie, who was fondly known as “The Boss.” had played such
an important role in planning her memorial service - picking the verses from
the bible, the music to be played - that you felt she was in the room, watching
over us.
I was listening to a podcast on CBC this week about a man
who decided to have a living wake. He
was terminally ill and had chosen to have an assisted suicide, so he knew when
he was going to die. However, rather
than the funeral after he was gone, he wanted to host this last party and be
there for it.
It was touching listening to the tributes, and I found
myself laughing when one friend lamented that the host kept pissing him off, to
which he replied it was one of his great talents. The friend then went on to explain that first
he’d retired two years earlier than him, and now he was checking out earlier
too. It was all said with great love and
respect.
All of which leads me to thinking that we need to say more
to the people we love now while they are alive and able to hear us, and not
wait for the eulogy to emotionally share with others about how we felt about
the person who has just died.
When I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time, I announced my news at a Company of Women
meeting. I did so because I wanted the
women to go for the mammogram and not put it off, and also because as I said at
the time, it was not convenient to “check out” right then, as I was busy and
had too much to do. I was touched by the
outpouring of love I received.
But that’s my point.
We shouldn’t have to wait until someone is dying or gets a cancer
diagnosis to share how we feel about that person. How much happier we would all be if we spoke
up now, not when it’s too late for your loved one to hear, about how we feel
about them.
Granted we all show our love differently, as I learned when
I read the Five Languages of Love. For some it’s being of service, kind gestures
or thoughtful gifts, for others it is more physical, but I can’t help but think
that using our words, actually saying out loud how we feel means that the
message is received and understood.
Love. It is one
four-lettered word that is under-used.
Time to change that.