Gratitude is the best attitude

“A person who feels appreciated will always do more than expected.”

 But we seem to have forgotten that.  Is it just me, or have we become a grumpier, more demanding society?

I ask because lately I’ve noticed how quickly people are to criticize, to point out faults and what’s not working, instead of appreciating or showing gratitude for what is.

Part of the problem lies in our use or abuse of email as a way of communicating our disgruntlement.  Perhaps the writer doesn’t realize just how her message sounds and perhaps too, we can read too much into the words chosen.

That said, I do find that people are often too preoccupied in what they want, and when they don’t get what they want, like the spoilt toddler, they have a tantrum thinking perhaps that will sway the decision and change the outcome.  Eh. No.

It’s too bad really because it is such a waste of energy, negative energy at that and I don’t find myself drawn or wanting to be around folks that give out such troubling vibes.

My advice?  Take a chill pill. 

Look at the big picture and perhaps reflect on the other person’s perspective.  If something is wrong, I’ve always found that being pleasant and polite gets you a lot further.  When we treat people with respect and value their time and expertise, they are more likely to work harder to fix the problem.

Gratitude and giving back is our theme for our upcoming conference on May 17.  I'm hoping people will listen and take notes.

As Andy Wooten suggests – “It doesn’t cost anything to tell someone thank you.” Try to say thanks to everyone that you can today.”

When an ending is really just the beginning...

I’d started to write my blog this week when I realized I was falling into a trap that I’ve often warned my blogging students to avoid –

1.  Trying to do too much with one blog

2.  Not working out ahead of time what my 

     key messages are

3.  Not offering a tangible lesson to my readers

Bad. My bad, as they say these days.  I think much of it is that my mind is swirling. 

I have spent much of my time of late focusing on the One Red Lipstick book, and last week it was lovingly sent on its way to be published.

While that is super exciting, and there is a sense of accomplishment, part of me doesn’t quite know what to do next.  So many hours have been devoted to the book, so it is hard to pick up the pieces and continue with the rest of my work.

Plus sending the book to be published is just a milestone.  I know that.  It’s the first of many as we move along and start to work on getting the book out there.  As any writer/editor will tell you – producing the book is the easy part, selling the book is a whole other issue.

So what’s my message here?  Good question. 

1.              Remember to pat yourself on the back when you’ve completed a project that involved time in the making. 

2.              Pause, and before you leap into the next task, take stock on what you’ve done and what you’ve accomplished so far.

3.              Thank those who have helped you reach this stage, because rarely is it a solo effort, others have helped make it happen.  In our case, particularly the 24 women who have shared their inspiring stories.

Sometimes people act as a catalyst not fully knowing just what they are starting, and in this case, Spenser Chapple has spearheaded a whole new movement through which women get the opportunity to be real, authentic and vulnerable and are not judged for being so.  We all need role models and Spenser found them for us.

There.  Did I do it?  I hope so because there has been much to learn from this experience – both professionally and personally. 

I am not the same person who started out on this project eighteen months ago. Apart from anything else, I now wear red lipstick :)  

Seriously,  I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I love to do.   So I thank Spenser for this opportunity and for trusting me to deliver her baby – the One Red Lipstick book.  Watch for its delivery on International Women’s Day.  And stay tuned for the documentary which will be following in May.  

Living in gratitude

October.  The month conjures up pictures of turkey and pumpkin pie, as well as candy and goblins. 

But for some of us, we see pink.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, with the Run for the Cure and other fund raising activities to support breast cancer research, support and education.

I was 39 when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer.  I had two young children and at that time, no known history of the disease in my family. My mother was later diagnosed.

Denial was my coping mechanism.  At times it felt like an out of body experience as I went through the surgery, radiation and chemo.  I chose to carry on working as I wanted my life to be as normal as possible and truth be, I just didn’t want to be sitting at home with time on my hands to think; to think that I might not make it.  

And I definitely didn’t want a pity party.

Some friends couldn’t deal with it, but I decided that had to be their problem, not mine.  Other women, acquaintances really, amazed me with their acts of kindness.   One neighbour, for example, cooked dinners for my family on the days I had chemo. 

It wasn’t all bad either, as it makes you focus on what’s important and I changed from being a couch potato to taking charge of my health and exercising on a regular basis.

But you can imagine my shock when, 15 years later, I discovered the cancer was back.  I had forgotten that once you are a member of the cancer club, your membership never really expires. 

This time the solution was easy. I had a double mastectomy. As I joked with friends, I wanted a level playing field. I chose not to get reconstructive surgery.  Enough is enough.  So we had the big family discussion on whether my prosthesis should come with nipples or not.  Even my son-in-law weighed in on this oneJ

Actually I relied on my sense of humour to get through it all.  Case in point, I wanted to speak out about what was happening to me, so other women would go and get that mammogram they’d been putting off.  So at one of my events, in front of over 60 women, I stood up and shared my story.  “I want to be upfront about what is happening to me.  I want to make a clean breast of it all.”

Those comments brought laughter, mingled with tears as the women took in my news.  But as I said then, and I say now… I wasn’t ready to check out.  It was highly inconvenient as I had lots I wanted to do.  And I still have.

It’s been 25 years now since that first diagnosis.  I’m a success story – a poster girl for breast cancer survivors – or thrivers as we prefer to be known.  I am grateful for every year, month and day I have lived since then.

Gratitude

I love this time of year.  The skies today are blue, not a cloud to be seen.  The air is crisp, but not cold and the colours of the trees magnificent.  How lucky we are.

How appropriate that this weekend we celebrated Thanksgiving.  I decided to come up with just three things I am grateful for and it was hard, as I have a lot – both big and small – that have blessed my life.

1.              Family and friends

I am so fortunate to have wonderful people in my life – my husband, my daughters and their partners… and yes, even the dog, Brodie who I love and curse at the same time.  Friendships are important to me and I try to keep connected to people who matter to me – both new and old friends. When the chips are down, these are the folks who rally round to support me.

2.              My health

I’ve had my share of health hiccups, so it is good to be feeling well and doing well.  Without our health, our quality of life is seriously impacted and often we take it for granted, until something goes wrong.

3.              Living in Canada

Had we stayed in England I am not so sure we would have enjoyed the lifestyle we have now.  Canada has been good for our entrepreneurial spirit and we are fortunate to live in country that offers freedom.  Freedom to choose your own destiny. Freedom to be who we are meant to be.

So what three things are you grateful for?  Let me know.