Let's build a village, not a wall

Is it just me but everywhere I go people are on edge? 

There is a cloud of hesitancy and fear because no one quite knows what is going to happen next.  We’re walking a tight rope, and one slight twitch could make us wobble and fall off.

Is this what it was like before World War 11?  Were people aware something dreadful was about to erupt and going about their day-to-day life, trying to pretend nothing was wrong? 

That’s kind of how it feels right now.  People seem to be hunkering in, just waiting for the boom to fall.  No matter how much you may dislike what is happening “down south” you can’t get away from it. 

Every night on the news, some other foolhardy or discriminating action has been taken and you worry where it will lead.  Every conversation you have with someone, his name creeps in.  Every day you wake up and wonder what’s going to happen next.

Our fear for the future is holding us hostage, and it is time we broke free. 

We can’t be held ransom by someone “playing” at being president or the unrest around the world.  We have to grab our lives back.  We have to carry on and live our lives to the fullest.  Because if we sit back and just wait for the bad stuff to unfold, we just increase the possibility that it will.

Let’s be clear.  It’s not just that we worry that the economy will tank.  It is that deep-rooted fear that with one foolish move, we could find ourselves at war, or worse, eradicated. As I write that, I feel myself shudder at the very thought.

But here’s the thing, while that is always a possibility, we have to Carry On. Keep Living.  As Jini Reddy observed in a recent Psychologies article,  “The world can feel very divided at the moment – which is all the more reason to celebrate our shared humanity.” She suggests that we need to come up with ways to avoid adding to the negativity, without retreating into denial or complacency.

“The urge, she says,  to experience communion and our shared humanity or to take meaningful action and to feel uplifted by it, is palpable.”

Good advice. I have always been an optimist, and I don’t intend to stop now.  I encourage you to do the same. Be aware, yes,  but don’t let it paralyze you or cause you to stop being who you are meant to be.  Let’s cluster together to neutralize what is happening and build a community that cares.

It takes small, simple acts of kindness, so that on a daily basis we remind ourselves of the value of community and helping one another.  As Reddy says “these small everyday acts, taken individually, create ripples. This is community in action – and we all benefit from it.”

We can do this. You know we can.

Living in gratitude

October.  The month conjures up pictures of turkey and pumpkin pie, as well as candy and goblins. 

But for some of us, we see pink.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, with the Run for the Cure and other fund raising activities to support breast cancer research, support and education.

I was 39 when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer.  I had two young children and at that time, no known history of the disease in my family. My mother was later diagnosed.

Denial was my coping mechanism.  At times it felt like an out of body experience as I went through the surgery, radiation and chemo.  I chose to carry on working as I wanted my life to be as normal as possible and truth be, I just didn’t want to be sitting at home with time on my hands to think; to think that I might not make it.  

And I definitely didn’t want a pity party.

Some friends couldn’t deal with it, but I decided that had to be their problem, not mine.  Other women, acquaintances really, amazed me with their acts of kindness.   One neighbour, for example, cooked dinners for my family on the days I had chemo. 

It wasn’t all bad either, as it makes you focus on what’s important and I changed from being a couch potato to taking charge of my health and exercising on a regular basis.

But you can imagine my shock when, 15 years later, I discovered the cancer was back.  I had forgotten that once you are a member of the cancer club, your membership never really expires. 

This time the solution was easy. I had a double mastectomy. As I joked with friends, I wanted a level playing field. I chose not to get reconstructive surgery.  Enough is enough.  So we had the big family discussion on whether my prosthesis should come with nipples or not.  Even my son-in-law weighed in on this oneJ

Actually I relied on my sense of humour to get through it all.  Case in point, I wanted to speak out about what was happening to me, so other women would go and get that mammogram they’d been putting off.  So at one of my events, in front of over 60 women, I stood up and shared my story.  “I want to be upfront about what is happening to me.  I want to make a clean breast of it all.”

Those comments brought laughter, mingled with tears as the women took in my news.  But as I said then, and I say now… I wasn’t ready to check out.  It was highly inconvenient as I had lots I wanted to do.  And I still have.

It’s been 25 years now since that first diagnosis.  I’m a success story – a poster girl for breast cancer survivors – or thrivers as we prefer to be known.  I am grateful for every year, month and day I have lived since then.