Living in gratitude

October.  The month conjures up pictures of turkey and pumpkin pie, as well as candy and goblins. 

But for some of us, we see pink.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, with the Run for the Cure and other fund raising activities to support breast cancer research, support and education.

I was 39 when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer.  I had two young children and at that time, no known history of the disease in my family. My mother was later diagnosed.

Denial was my coping mechanism.  At times it felt like an out of body experience as I went through the surgery, radiation and chemo.  I chose to carry on working as I wanted my life to be as normal as possible and truth be, I just didn’t want to be sitting at home with time on my hands to think; to think that I might not make it.  

And I definitely didn’t want a pity party.

Some friends couldn’t deal with it, but I decided that had to be their problem, not mine.  Other women, acquaintances really, amazed me with their acts of kindness.   One neighbour, for example, cooked dinners for my family on the days I had chemo. 

It wasn’t all bad either, as it makes you focus on what’s important and I changed from being a couch potato to taking charge of my health and exercising on a regular basis.

But you can imagine my shock when, 15 years later, I discovered the cancer was back.  I had forgotten that once you are a member of the cancer club, your membership never really expires. 

This time the solution was easy. I had a double mastectomy. As I joked with friends, I wanted a level playing field. I chose not to get reconstructive surgery.  Enough is enough.  So we had the big family discussion on whether my prosthesis should come with nipples or not.  Even my son-in-law weighed in on this oneJ

Actually I relied on my sense of humour to get through it all.  Case in point, I wanted to speak out about what was happening to me, so other women would go and get that mammogram they’d been putting off.  So at one of my events, in front of over 60 women, I stood up and shared my story.  “I want to be upfront about what is happening to me.  I want to make a clean breast of it all.”

Those comments brought laughter, mingled with tears as the women took in my news.  But as I said then, and I say now… I wasn’t ready to check out.  It was highly inconvenient as I had lots I wanted to do.  And I still have.

It’s been 25 years now since that first diagnosis.  I’m a success story – a poster girl for breast cancer survivors – or thrivers as we prefer to be known.  I am grateful for every year, month and day I have lived since then.

Living life to the fullest

Last night I gave my first public talk about being a breast cancer survivor.

I was nervous about revealing such intimate information and a bit wobbly to start but once I got into my stride, I realized that I do have an important message to convey. In my presentation I described my membership in the cancer club in terms of features and benefits. As most of the women were in business, I figured they would get the correlation.

But what may have surprised them was the fact that there are benefits:-

1. You become more focused. You don’t sweat the small stuff and become more selective on what you do, where you spend your time and who you spend it with. Negative people be gone.

2. You follow your passion – for me it was starting Company of Women and launching our magazine Company last year. Making a difference in the lives of women is important to me. This is my legacy.

3. You learn how much people love you. With all the cards, letters and kind gestures, you feel enveloped in love and caring. It’s like hearing the eulogies but you haven’t actually gone.

4. You take charge of your health. Information is power and for me I adopted a more healthy lifestyle – one that included exercise and regular work outs.

As I said at the end of my speech, ““Each of us finds our own path to survival. No path is every walked the same way twice, but we need not walk alone.”

To me this speaks to life, not just life with cancer.

Farewell my friend

I was all set to update my blog, with some observations from my vacation on how switching off is really important to your health AND your business.

Little did I know that hours after writing the piece, I would learn that a friend and colleague had died. Further emphasizing to me, that we all have to live for the moment as who knows what tomorrow will bring.

I can’t say Val’s death was unexpected, it wasn’t. She’d been waging her own war against breast cancer for four years now but I guess I thought and selfishly hoped she had longer.

Last year she participated on our team for the Weekend to End Breast Cancer and although she was by this time walking with a cane, she was bound and determined to be with us as much as she could. In fact there were times when we were concerned that she was doing too much, but such was her tenacity that she walked much further than any of us thought possible. What I remember most was her smiling face, glowing with pride as we walked over the finish line.

Val, we will miss you. None of us are walking this year, but next year, the Chicks out Walking team will be back in force, and thinking of you every step of the way as we raise funds in your memory.

Leaving a legacy

MJ DeCoteau was just 22 years old when her mother died of breast cancer. For many, this premature loss would leave a lasting scar and a feeling of emptiness, but for MJ it led to a new career, and a new charity ReThink Breast Cancer.

Realizing that she needed to check out her risks, MJ searched for health information and found that most literature showed an elderly woman doing self-breast exam. As a young twenty-something, she couldn't relate to this material and was sure she wasn't alone. So she founded ReThink Breast Cancer so that she could reach young women. Her organization set about developing innovative awareness campaigns and strategies that would peak the interest of young women. And it's working which is just as well, as contrary to the myth that breast cancer only strikes older women, sadly more and more young women are falling victim to this disease.

Last year, when I was participating in the 60K walk to end breast cancer, I was asked to be a media spokesperson. There were seven of us selected from the 5,000 walkers and as we met to be briefed on how to work with the media, we had to share our stories. Most of the other women were much younger than me and one in particular comes to mind. She had been diagnosed just after she had her first baby. How scary and it sure hit home to me that this is no longer an old lady's disease.

We should be grateful that women like MJ are stepping forward and helping young women come to terms with their illness and that her fresh, upbeat, marketing approach is putting a new spin on breast cancer and getting the message out there.

As I said to MJ after she spoke at our Company of Women dinner, her mother would be proud of her. Instead of leaving her lost, she's left a legacy.

To learn more about ReThink Breast Cancer, go to www.rethinkbreastcancer.com