Overcoming fears

They say public speaking ranks as high as death in people’s fears. It certainly ranked high in mine.

But no more. Last month I was invited to talk to a group of business women in Orangeville – actually over a 100 women turned up – so more of a crowd – which made it all a bit more nerve-wracking. I’d convinced myself that if I blew it, it wouldn’t matter because I wouldn’t see these women again… when in walked someone I knew, not only that, she’d brought her team to hear me. The pressure was on.

I spent much time debating what I could talk about and decided to follow the maxim that you do best when you talk about what you know. So I talked about the life lessons I’d learned in running Company of Women.

Over the years I’ve painfully witnessed what speakers should not do, and so I was determined to make my talk interesting, entertaining and thought-provoking. Being visual, I used photos as my prompts, as relying on my menopausal memory is not always a good idea.

The end result – it went well. I didn’t get my usual dry mouth, I made them laugh, and cry. And … not only did I survive the experience, I actually enjoyed it. Now that’s a first.

Life is not all black or white

Listening to Marina Nemat describe her life as a thirteen year old – reading Jane Austen and watching Little House on the Prairie, it would be easy to believe that she was living in Canada, not Tehran.

However, in three very short years, her life would change dramatically and at sixteen, when young women here would be planning their prom, Marina found herself imprisoned. Instead of giggling with her girlfriends, she was listening to them being shot. She herself only avoided execution because Ali, a guard, married her at 17.

Perhaps the most poignant message of all is that while it would be all too easy to see her husband and his family as evil, and she was good – It was never that black and white. Her husband himself had been tortured and brought that baggage to the relationship, but his parents welcomed her into the family and were kind, good people. After Ali’s assassination, it was his parents who got her out of prison.

Reunited with her own parents, life was not that simple. They never asked about what happened, and you get the sense that they thought Marina had betrayed them and their faith. But the man she loved had waited for her, and as soon as they could they left Tehran and came to Canada, where she wrote her enthralling book - Prisoner of Tehran.

Letting Go

After 23 years in our current home, we are moving. Now I am a bit of a pack rat. I have kept a copy of every report I have ever written since 1981, along with files on every board or committee I ever served on… all of which goes to say, we were knee-deep in paper. And then there’s my collection of books – on every subject known to man.

My daughter ordered a dumpster for me. Subtle eh. Suggesting that perhaps given the move is looming up, I might like to start sorting through my collection of files, reports and memorabilia.

At first I methodically opened up each file, checking its contents. Needless to say, as the day progressed, I got more brutal and literally tossed the lot. It was very freeing to chuck it all into the dumpster. I was saying goodbye to a life I don’t live any more.

I don’t need to keep these files as a reference point for future projects, because there aren’t going to be any. My days as a consultant are over. I have been running Company of Women for five years now – and this is my future, but I needed to let go of the past.

However, as I ploughed through all the paper, one fact struck me - I’ve done a lot in my life. I feel very fortunate to have worked on some exciting projects, and when I think about all the programs and services that have come to fruition, I feel a sense of pride.

They say that in order to make room for new things in your life, you first have to get rid of the baggage that is taking up space. But you know for now, I just want to enjoy my clutter-free zone.

We all need role models

Last week I had the distinct honour of having breakfast with Cora Tsouflidou, founder of Cora’s Breakfast and Lunch.

Now this is one busy lady, with over 95 franchises across Canada, and more on the way, yet she offered to meet a small group of women for breakfast We had a draw and ten lucky women won this opportunity to spend quality time with this successful woman entrepreneur. It was an eclectic group but that made it all the richer.

Each woman had to introduce herself and ask a question of Cora. Without fail, she intuitively got to the root of the issue for the person. She didn’t mince her words, but was always respectful with her advice. It was an emotional gathering, tears were shed and everyone left touched by the experience and in awe of Cora’s wisdom and generosity of spirit.

Cora has so much wisdom and insights into people, business and what is important in life. It was wonderful to see her in action, as she mentored the women in the group, always with humour and with a caring heart.

We all need role models in our life, Cora has become mine.

Trust your instincts

When you start something new, you never really know what you don’t know.

As novices to the publishing industry, Chris and I were excited to learn that there were a couple of magazine conferences being held in Toronto last week. Not knowing which was the best one to attend, we signed up for both – taking a few workshops at each.

And we learned a lot. I even picked up some of the jargon.

But I think the best lesson was realizing that whether we knew it or not, intuitively we’ve being doing all the right things. It’s kind of reassuring to discover you actually know more than you think, and that when you know your reader, you’re more than half way there.

So many of the presenters were encouraging the magazines to launch websites and hold events to support their publication. I guess we have done it the other way round – with our magazine being the latest addition to our menu of services.

The second thing I observed is that there is a dire need for training on how to present an interesting workshop. Most of the presenters really knew their stuff, but relied way too heavily on their power point – some even reading out loud what was on the screen before us! Boring. Clearly they had never heard about how adults learn. So all you trainers out there – take note – here’s a potential training gig.

Last but no means least, in being out of the office for three days, I discovered that Company of Women can run very well without me. Kudos to Meg and Leah.

So I guess the message is that we shouldn’t second-guess ourselves, we know more than we think, and we should trust our instincts.

Young, Savvy and Successful..

That pretty well sums up our panel of young women entrepreneurs.

Take the Lees twins who, with no knowledge of the cosmetic industry, have successfully launched Balmshell – a lipgloss - that was given out at the Oscars and is sold in North America and Europe. One of their biggest challenges was being taken seriously. Being blonde, attractive and young was not always a business asset. But no one can question their business acumen now. When asked what next … the world!

Even at 15, Michelle Planche had a business. She knew from the start that she was destined to be an entrepreneur. Today, she has a successful event planning business which she started while in university – organizing fashion shows, etc… One of her biggest challenges has been recruiting and retaining the right staff, and that’s important because she wants to expand from her current two offices to other locations.

At 25, Carisa Reiniger has an amazing track record, with four offices and sixteen staff. Her business Silver Lining has undergone rapid growth, and she’s had to step back and look at what she wanted out of it. She’d come to realize that her biggest problem was herself - that she was getting in her own way. She’s decided that whatever happens, she needs to get back to what she’s good at, and what she enjoys, because without the passion, it wasn’t going to work for her.

Three very different stories, but the common thread was their passion for what they are doing. We could all learn a lot from these young women because clearly they are on the right track.

MOMENT OF FAME

With the recent Toronto Star article on Company of Women, we have received numerous calls, enquiries and emails. All of which is exciting as more women discover us, and better still, decide to join or attend an event to check us out.

One such call was from a TV producer and while we played telephone tag for several days, I was busy fantasizing myself on some show, or better still hosting one! I ‘d been discovered. This was my moment of fame.

When we did connect, she indeed had a morning TV show and a section on Empowering Women for which she thought I would make an ideal guest. Sounds good. And the show was taped in Florida. Sounds even better. The guests were expected to pay their travel costs. No problem. I have lots of air miles banked away.

But… and here comes the clincher … I would have to pay $11,000 US for the pleasure of this experience. At this point in the conversation, as if on cue, my two dogs started barking loudly - the joys of working from home! Needless to say, I declined the offer and she was probably relieved, because perhaps I wasn’t the high-flying business tycoon she thought I was.

What’s that expression – if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Is this how it works in the US, that you pay to be on shows? Maybe I am naïve, but whatever happened to being chosen because you have something worthwhile to say or an inspiring story to tell.

Ah well. When Oprah calls, I’ll just have to make sure the dogs are out!

In the news

I think the PR fairy must be watching over us… we’ve had quite a run lately. First there were photos in Snap Oakville, then at the weekend, an article in the National Post, and to cap it off, we were on the cover of the small business supplement in the Toronto Star today.

Exciting stuff – and judging from the phone calls, emails and new memberships – media coverage truly pays off – and the price is right … it’s free. As I sat on the train going into Toronto this morning, I watched people read their Star and had to resist the urge to go over and point out the article!

The flurry of emails from members has also been most gratifying, and for those of you who took the time – thank you. And to Marissa who kick-started all this and Mary who worked on the inside track – thank you.

It proves my point that when you give unconditionally, you gain so much.

Doubt

The joy of doubt – almost seems like an oxymoron, but this was the title of an interesting article I read this weekend.

Many of us are plagued with doubt, especially in the early years of building our business when there are days when we question and second-guess ourselves on everything.

Writer Emma Cook however claims that “while uncertainty makes us fearful, embracing doubt sets us on the path of true creativity and personal growth.”

One of the challenges with doubt is that if you do not act, the doubt grows and you risk feeling immobilized. So taking action, is better than no action at all. Much also depends, say psychologists on our personality style and our comfort for living with ambiguity. There are those who plan, and those of us who are happier when situations are uncertain and emerging.

Yet it has been argued that doubt can have creative potential for all of us. In fact, a total absence of doubt is considered a much more worrying trait. Never doubting is risky. As Schmueli, a psychotherapist, shares “you’ve got to be able to continue thinking, and not accept things at face value. Doubt is an invitation to apply your mind and move forward.”

Several tips on making peace with doubt were offered:

• Doubt shows your mind is trying to tell you something. Trust it and don’t reject it.
• When overwhelmed by doubt, count to 20 while breathing in and out. Then stop counting. Allow your doubt to come back into your mind.
• If you feel paralyzed and indecisive, then set a timer for three minutes and externalize your doubts by writing them down rapidly. This process will help you to detach from your doubts – and move on.

Moving away from our fear of doubt can be liberating. Living with uncertainty can be a creative, vital and empowering. As someone once said “Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom.”

Writing it out

We’ve just done a membership survey and it has been interesting to read the feedback as the surveys have come in.

Most are really positive and some useful information has been gathered that will help us determine our programs and services in the year ahead.

I guess when you ask for people’s opinions, you have to be willing to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly. We can all learn and grow from listening to others.

And I have always been an advocate of writing out all your negative feelings – that’s why this blog has been so therapeutic. Many a time I have written that angry letter that is never mailed.

So - to the person who wrote the vicious attack on me – I hope you feel better. My advice to you – whoever you are – is maybe this is not the group for you. My advice to myself – remember all the positive feedback, and let go the one person’s negativity, because it is all about her, not me.

SHOW ME THE MONEY

Check your credit rating was the first piece advice from our financial experts. You can do that through a couple of websites:

www.transunion.ca
www.equifax.ca

It costs around $25 and what you want to look at is your score – anything over 165 is good. It was also recommended that if you work in partnership with someone – they should be checked too.

Here are some other pointers that they shared at our panel discussion on March 26:

Shop around for a bank. Sometimes the local bank doesn’t have a commercial section, so you are better off going a bit further afield to ensure that component is in place.

Build a relationship with your banker. Help them understand your business before you ever go in to ask for a loan.

Do your homework. Have a business plan with a financial breakdown so that the banker can see what your potential is and how likely you are able to pay off a loan should you get one.

Consider other options such as factoring. What is factoring and how it is different from the traditional bank loan? When you factor you don’t borrow money so there is no monthly re-payments. What does happen is First Vancouver Finance, for example, purchases your approved commercial accounts receivable once the order has been shipped or completed. They handle the invoice mailing, processing and postage. This option helps with cash flow and funding of $10,000 to $2,000,000 per month is available. To learn more, go to www.fvf.ca

We also learned that while BDC offers loans, it also has an extensive consulting practice. To check them out – go to www.bdc.ca – if you have to prepare a business plan, they have a template on their website as well as other useful information.

Loans are also available through the Canada Small Business Finance Program, headed by Industry Canada but implemented by financial institutions across Canada. Ask at your local bank about the SB program or check their website - www.ic.gc.ca for more information.

Think positive

Are you someone who jumps to conclusions – right or wrong? Do you automatically think the worst? Do you act first and think later? Well here is a cautionary tale.

You never know what your day will bring, and last night we discovered that our basement was flooded – and I mean flooded, we were up to six inches in water. Everywhere.

After talking to the insurance company, they sent out an emergency crew to literally bale us out. By this time it is late in the evening, but this is an everyday occurrence for them, and I guess with the thawing snow, they may be even busier. So their truck is on our driveway as they pump the water out. They finished at four this morning however, not before we had a visit from the police.

Our neighbour had phoned them to complain about the noise. She didn’t call to find out what was wrong; she didn’t pop over to see if she could help – no, she automatically called the police. The officers were most polite, could see what the situation was, told us to continue and wished us all the best.

What a waste of their time. What a pity she couldn’t see the situation for what it was. Instead, she likely assumed one of our kids (who haven’t lived at home for the past five years) was larking around with a friend in a truck on our driveway.

What’s that old expression – when you assume, you make an “ass out of you and me”
So the moral of the story – think positive, reach out and ask if you can help instead of automatically assuming the worst and taking a negative stand when one isn’t necessary. Life is too short.

Story Telling

Last night we heard from Diana Bishop who humorously shared her stories of her career in journalism – from her early days covering articles on insects and animals, to her days in China as the first woman foreign correspondent. It was when she switched to NBC and was at the peak of her career, that she knew she needed to leave and find her calling.

For years she had been interviewing people in her role as a TV reporter, always looking for the unique story and angle. What she enjoyed the most was telling the story, and she had a talent for bringing out the best in people, helping them to shape their tale.

At each juncture in her career, she talked about the lessons she had learned after every gaff and mistake she made and every challenge she met. She had the ability and foresight to realize that she could learn from these experiences and would move on.

Today she interviews entrepreneurs and helps them to brand themselves through their success story. And as the audience listened enthralled and enjoying her talk, it was clear that she walks the talk. She can tell a success story, because she is one.

The Unfinished Painting

This weekend I attended the funeral/memorial service for a friend. She was just 50 – far too young to have died – yet she had packed a lot into her life and firmly believed life was for living.

We first met years ago when she was a social worker, working mainly with women in abusive situations. Frustrated with the legal system and its disservice to women, she went back to school to become a lawyer and mediator.

When her son spoke at her service, he joked that his friends all said his mom must be loaded because she was a lawyer. Everyone there laughed, because one thing Ascenza wasn’t - was rich. She chose to support the underdog, the immigrant family who could not afford a lawyer, or the single mom fighting the system. No – she certainly wasn’t in it for the money.

As many of you may recall, we had quite the snowstorm on Saturday, but the chapel at the funeral home was packed and many of those there were people she had helped.

But it is interesting no matter how much you think you know someone, there’s always something new to learn. Sadly often at their funeral. In this instance, I never knew that Ascenza was an accomplished artist. Many of her paintings were on display, and like everything else she did, they were good.

It was somewhat poignant to see one unfinished painting – because to me it symbolized how she’d been snatched away from us before she was done.

International Women's Day

This week, together with 580 + women I celebrated International Women’s Day. The keynote speaker at this event was Deborah Ellis, author of numerous books for children, many of which describe the plight of women and children in war-torn countries.

When Deborah wrote her first book, The Breadwinner, it was doing well and she was so moved by what was happening in Afghanistan that she decided to donate the royalties from this book to support women there. Then 9/11 happened and suddenly her book is a best seller and is translated into numerous languages and sold around the world.

Adding two more books to this series, she continued to donate the royalties and to date she has raised over $500,000 as a result. Now she is no Bill Gates. As she stood before the audience in her jeans and sweater, it was clear this was an ordinary individual, showing extraordinary generosity. In addition to writing about the conditions in these countries, she has chosen to take action, to do something about it.

I applaud her generosity. She is clearly someone who has made choices on how she wants to live her life and she is doing so with purpose and intent .

How far have we come as women?

At our Toronto dinner last week we had three journalists as speakers. All had been editors of mainstream magazines, and Linda Lewis is still in that role, heading up the new magazine More which is aimed at women over 40.

The discussion was lively to say the least and as they recalled their early days in journalism, many were shocked to learn that in job interviews they were even asked whether they were using birth control – after all the employers didn’t want to invest in someone who might get pregnant. As Dianne Rinehart (former editor of Homemakers) pointed out, she was sure they didn’t ask the men if they used condoms. When you hear stories like this, you realize we have come a long way.

But not far enough to support Hilary Clinton. When the panel were asked whether Hilary was getting a fair shake by the media, the answer was a resounding no. Not only were the media not being supportive, but women were also judging her, observed Rona Maynard, former editor-in-chief at Chatelaine.

It would seem in the eyes of many if she shows emotion, it is deemed that she is cracking under the pressure and therefore not capable of this leadership role, and if she steels herself and appears strong, she is categorized as a hard-hearted individual. Either way, it would seem that she can’t win – neither the nomination nor the unilateral support of her gender, which is too bad as she is more than capable and would bring a wealth of experience to the job. The primaries on Tuesday will reveal all.

KEEPING IN TOUCH

How many friends have you talked to this past week? According to recent research, six out of ten of us speak to five friends or fewer each week.

Now I have a wide circle of friends, but when I reflected back on the week, I wasn’t much over the five, which at first surprised me, as I have always prided myself in my ability to keep in touch. In fact, when I did a head-count on last week, I also realized that my “score” went up because we had a Company of Women meeting – as many of the women who attend have become friends. That’s the good news. The bad news, is that without that dinner, I would hardly have racked up any contacts with friends
at all.

Food for thought. These days, a quick email is taking the place of conversations over coffee or a chat on the phone. And it’s not the same. You don’t always accurately pick up the nuances in an email, in fact, you can get it all wrong and read too much into a statement or comment.

This same research found that 43 percent of us think our communities are less friendly than they were a decade ago. Clearly we need to slow down and look at what’s important. The work will always be there, but our relationships are more fluid.

Having just spent the evening with some long- time friends, it felt good to laugh, share stories and catch up on each other’s news. Make sure you’re not missing out on the fun and laughter that friendships can bring. That’s what keeps us warm long after winter is over.

COMPETITION OR COLLABORATION? YOUR CHOICE

We live in a competitive world. I don’t know about your line of business, but in mine, there are some groups that are supportive of each other and the end goal of helping women grow their businesses, and others that are not. For them, they have to be king pin.

It’s too bad really, because it’s not about us – it should be about what’s best for our members. So it was really refreshing this week to connect with Kathryn Bechtold, the publisher of Mompreneur - check www.themompreneur.com

Kathryn and I have not met but our paths have crossed and at the end of the month she is moderating a panel for me. The purpose of our call was to brainstorm ideas for the questions to be asked of the panel members – all editors or former editors of prominent Canadian magazines.

But it actually took us a while to get there in our conversation as we were both sharing the ups and downs of launching and publishing a new magazine, and enjoying the connection with a kindred spirit. Now, we could have viewed each other as competition, but we didn’t. Instead, we were sharing war stories and looking at ways we can work together to create a win-win situation.

Now that is what it is all about…

Mompreneur

Mompreneur. What does that make you think of?

Last night, along with several Company of Women members, we had the opportunity to screen the taping of the new Fortune Hunters TV Show on CBC. This particular episode focused on the growing trend of mothers at home who are starting their own business as a way to achieve work-life balance – hence the new term mompreneur.

After hearing Dianne Buckner talk about current trends in business, particularly women and business, and viewing the show, the audience made up of women from Company of Women and Women in a Home Office entered into an interesting discussion about the term, mompreneur.

While some loved it feeling it captured the dual roles, not everyone felt the same way. Others were opposed feeling it detracted for the business aspects of what the women were doing, making it sound like they were just “playing” at their business.

Certainly much depends on what the mompreneur is doing. To my mind, if they have launched a business building on an idea or need they have identified through their own experiences as a mom – then mompreneur may be appropriate. But if they’re offering say graphic design services from home, I suspect that nametag could have a detrimental affect on their business growth, as it conjures up pictures of a woman at the computer, with a babe attached at the hip.

In the show last night, they also highlighted some ideas that have been developed by mothers around the world which was fascinating. But as for the bottled Mom’s Spit, available in different flavours – somehow you can’t imagine it taking off – whether it’s been developed by an entrepreneur or a mompreneur.

Watch the show for yourself – see what you think. It airs February 16 at 6.30 ET and repeats on Sundays at 1.30pm and 4.30pm. ET on CBC Newsworld.

My day in court

Have you ever been called for jury service? Well I have and today I had my day in court. It’s an interesting experience and just judging from this morning’s process, I can see why it takes so long for cases to move through the courts.

There were probably 100 of us – a motley crew I might add – all shepherded into this warm, airless courtroom. At 10.15 we were advised to make a quick visit to the washroom if necessary – most of the women left. There were two toilets. An hour later, still nothing had happened.

Then we were told to form a single line and proceed up four flights of stairs. It was like being back in preschool – I quite expected to see a rope. Once in the next courtroom, we were advised about the case, saw the accused, and then given all the reasons we could use to get out of serving on the jury. They also read out all the names of the witnesses in case there was a conflict of interest.

Now this was a murder case and we’d already been warned it could be at least three months, so much as I believe we all have a civic responsibility to serve on juries – three months is pushing it, especially when you own a small business.

Those who could potentially serve on the jury were asked to leave to come back another day, while those of us wanting out of the process, had to stay. One by one we had to stand before the judge and give our reasons for asking for deferment or to be excused from the process altogether. I felt badly for those who had more personal reasons for not wanting to be involved as they had to speak up, not just before the judge, but the rest of us in court.

It was not without its funny moments – take the elderly gentleman who in a strong Scottish brogue complained that he couldn’t hear the judge, and when asked if he wore a hearing aid, quickly retorted back that he wasn’t deaf you know.

Well, I got off. I felt like I’d got out of jail, could go past GO and collect my $200. I’ve been anxious about this case for several months now, worrying about how I was going to juggle all this. But I’m off the hook… this time.