Three words to live your life by

Do you write down your New Year resolutions?  I stopped doing that several years ago as each year it was the same thing – lose weight, exercise more, etc… etc…  

No.  Instead I come up with three words that will shape and hopefully drive my life for the coming year.   I’ve found in the past that this has worked well for me, because whenever an opportunity would come up or I’d be asked to do something, I could do a quick check-in to see if it fitted my priorities for the year, and if it didn’t, I’d gracefully decline.

What sort of words have I come up with? One year it was health, acceptance and authenticity – the driver that year being that I needed to take better care of myself.  Another year it was creativity, energy and connectivity, and then we had courage, curiosity and collaboration.  Much depended on what I wanted to focus on that year or what had happened in the previous year to make me want to go in a certain direction.

So as we enter 2016, I am back selecting my words for the new year ahead.   

So… drum roll please…. What are the words for 2016?

Launch. Learn. Life. (I am big on alliteration)  

Launch because I am starting a new venture - Full Circle Publishing - through which we will help authors launch their books, taking the book from concept to completion.  It’s exciting and scary at the same time, but I am looking forward to this new challenge.  And who knows, maybe we will re-launch our magazine Company, which was a pet project of mine for years.

Starting anything new means that you are on a learning curve, and I am no exception. I’ve always been a lifelong learner and I welcome the opportunity to test the old grey cells before it’s too late.  

As for my third word – life – I really want to make sure that I have some down time in 2016 so it is not all work.  I guess the goal here is I am wanting to make sure I get a life.   

I have to say it’s tempting to also throw in a fourth word for 2016, because in order for all the above to work – I have to let go.  And I think it is feasible as I have a great team at Company of Women who will carry on the day-to-day work.  Plus I won’t be disappearing, just being more selective on where I participate.

So what’s your three words?  Try it on for size, you might be surprised where it takes you. 

Just change the channel

That's what Arianna Huffington's mother would say to her daughter when she was caught up and complaining about a situation in her life.

You've got the control, just change the channel - that was her advice.  And likely we all know this, but we don't.  Perhaps because as women we are pleasers, and we want to be liked, or maybe we are scared of the outcome if we say no.  

Yet deep down we know that we should just quit while we are ahead, instead of working so hard to make the impossible, possible. 

I remember years ago getting into a volunteer role where I was flattered to be asked. My ego driven decision to say yes, when I should have known better, but I rationalized this was a career-affirming move, so I took it on.  Only to regret it later.  

Who's in charge for the remote in your household. Often it is the guys, so we end up watching sports, or worse, flipping from one channel to the next, never getting involved deeply in anything.  Sound familiar?

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you actually chose what you want to watch or more importantly, what you want to do.

It is often hard to extricate yourself too.

If you could change the channel - what would you get rid of?  What would you take out from your menu of choices?   Is it something at work, within the family or perhaps a volunteer role?  What’s the worst that could happen if you did?  And more positively, what would you gain if you did?

It’s a new year.  Wipe the slate clean. Listen to your gut instinct.  Do what is best for you. Yes, you.  Even if you don’t want to do it for yourself, think of how you are a role model for your daughters.  There.  Now it is easier to let go.

Made a mistake? Say sorry.

I hate to make mistakes.  But I am not perfect (I know, surprising news). But in some ways, it is what you do after you’ve goofed that is the true learning experience.

I remember totally blowing it with a sponsor and accidentally leaving her off a thank-you ad.  I was mortified. I couldn’t sleep and had this knot in my stomach.  How could that have happened?  Naturally I immediately apologized and rectified the situation, as much as I could and ran a second ad that thanked her company.  But the damage was done and for weeks, I was constantly berating myself for making the mistake in the first place. 

Saying you are sorry straight away and doing something to rectifiy or compensate someone goes a long way to making the mistake go away.  It is when, as the customer, that your concerns are ignored, or worse,  dismissed or ridiculed, that the problem escalates.  All any of us want is to have our feelings heard and validated, and even if you don’t agree, my advise is to listen, say sorry and take some action.

Now you can go overboard.  I always remember a story that one of our members would share about her days as a flight attendant, when she mistook a lacy sleeve to belong to a woman, and without really looking quickly asked “her” if she’d like a paper? 

You can imagine her horror when, on looking up, she discovered it was a rather famous skater.  She then proceeded at every turn to apologize, and kept up a stream of apologies for the whole flight.  Did this rectify the situation?  No.  In fact, she made it worse.  So her conclusion was that you say sorry, and move on. 

Making a mistake is a humbling experience, especially if there is an audience to witness what has happened.   No one likes to look foolish but people’s view of you can dramatically change depending on how you react.  When you work with integrity and respect, you can in fact turn a mistake into a redeeming situation, where observers note and admire how you handled a difficult situation.  Or you can totally blow it, hope it will just go away and in the end, make it worse.

Much of my reputation at Company of Women is tied up in the high quality speakers I bring in.  So you can imagine my horror when with a full house, we had a speaker who well… let’s just say she shouldn’t give up her day job, and perhaps seek counselling. 

I was horrified as the evening progressed and I also couldn’t get her to stop talking.  I had to physically go on stage and take the microphone from her.

Now we had a large number of women in the audience for whom this was their first experience with Company of Women.  So what did I do?  I sent out an email first thing the next morning, apologizing and assuring people that “normal service will resume” and offered a discount for a future event. That email earned me lots of brownie points and instead of losing participants, I went up in their estimation.

Mistakes happen.  Often when we have too much on our plate, get distracted or are just plain tired.  It is what you learn from them and what you do afterwards that can turn a bad situation into a positive one. And beating yourself up about it, leaves you stuck.  So learn, let go and move on.

HEY! IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME!

Recently I hired a business coach. Being accountable to someone, having to report in each week sure makes you get on with stuff that’s been on your “to do” list for ages. I have my homework and on the whole, I’ve been a “good girl” and got it done, but not all of it and that is when you have to ask yourself why, what is holding you back?

We reached the conclusion that my avoidance was more to do with my priorities and my preference to focus on activities that excite me. Good to know, and so now we are tackling the project differently and working to involve others in the process, so the outcome is not hinging on me.

In reality this is probably a better approach anyway, as then others have some ownership in the end result, and I get to draw on their expertise, knowledge and enthusiasm to make it happen.

It’s all too easy to think it all has to revolve around yourself, when in reality, if your business is going to grow you have to delegate, you need to involve others and you have to let go. I’m a work in a progress. Stay tuned.

Letting Go

After 23 years in our current home, we are moving. Now I am a bit of a pack rat. I have kept a copy of every report I have ever written since 1981, along with files on every board or committee I ever served on… all of which goes to say, we were knee-deep in paper. And then there’s my collection of books – on every subject known to man.

My daughter ordered a dumpster for me. Subtle eh. Suggesting that perhaps given the move is looming up, I might like to start sorting through my collection of files, reports and memorabilia.

At first I methodically opened up each file, checking its contents. Needless to say, as the day progressed, I got more brutal and literally tossed the lot. It was very freeing to chuck it all into the dumpster. I was saying goodbye to a life I don’t live any more.

I don’t need to keep these files as a reference point for future projects, because there aren’t going to be any. My days as a consultant are over. I have been running Company of Women for five years now – and this is my future, but I needed to let go of the past.

However, as I ploughed through all the paper, one fact struck me - I’ve done a lot in my life. I feel very fortunate to have worked on some exciting projects, and when I think about all the programs and services that have come to fruition, I feel a sense of pride.

They say that in order to make room for new things in your life, you first have to get rid of the baggage that is taking up space. But you know for now, I just want to enjoy my clutter-free zone.