Three words to live by

I suspect I am not the only one to be glad to see the back of 2016.  While there were a few personal highs – like the launch of my publishing company and a wedding party reunion, there were a lot of lows and some, like what’s happening with our friends south of the border, continue to be worrisome.

But I am an optimist by nature, and you have to focus on the best and on what will be positive in the year ahead. 

Many years ago I stopped doing New Year resolutions. Frankly they were a waste of time, as after the initial commitment, I forgot all about them.  Instead I started to come up with three words that I wanted to live my life by in the year ahead.

That strategy has worked well for me.  So drum roll please…. the words for 2017 are Listen. Learn. Love.  (I like alliteration).  Let me explain why those words as each has several reasons for being chosen.

Listen.  It is important to listen to those around you – your colleagues, clients, family and friends.  When you listen, you learn more and can be more effective as a leader.  But I also want to listen more to myself  - to trust my intuition and act on it, and to listen to my body when it tells me that I am working too hard.

Learn.   With starting a new business, there is a lot to learn and I want to be open to that learning, as I strive to be the best I can be.  So often I learn lessons the hard way, and even if that’s how I grasp the information, I want to pay attention and act accordingly.   I also want to remember and learn from past experiences, and say “no” when I need to, instead of trying to please everyone.

Love.  I only want to work on what I love to do, hang out with people that I like and love, and who in turn value and care about me.  I also want to spend more time with the people that I really care about and love deeply like my family and close friends.

These words are probably no different from previous years but I believe they are more intentional.  I almost feel this will be the “year of me.” After the deaths of family members and friends last year and other disappointments, I am determined to live my life in a way that matters most to me.

What words would you choose?  Reflect on your past year and focus on what you want for 2017.   Then make it happen.

Three words to live your life by

Do you write down your New Year resolutions?  I stopped doing that several years ago as each year it was the same thing – lose weight, exercise more, etc… etc…  

No.  Instead I come up with three words that will shape and hopefully drive my life for the coming year.   I’ve found in the past that this has worked well for me, because whenever an opportunity would come up or I’d be asked to do something, I could do a quick check-in to see if it fitted my priorities for the year, and if it didn’t, I’d gracefully decline.

What sort of words have I come up with? One year it was health, acceptance and authenticity – the driver that year being that I needed to take better care of myself.  Another year it was creativity, energy and connectivity, and then we had courage, curiosity and collaboration.  Much depended on what I wanted to focus on that year or what had happened in the previous year to make me want to go in a certain direction.

So as we enter 2016, I am back selecting my words for the new year ahead.   

So… drum roll please…. What are the words for 2016?

Launch. Learn. Life. (I am big on alliteration)  

Launch because I am starting a new venture - Full Circle Publishing - through which we will help authors launch their books, taking the book from concept to completion.  It’s exciting and scary at the same time, but I am looking forward to this new challenge.  And who knows, maybe we will re-launch our magazine Company, which was a pet project of mine for years.

Starting anything new means that you are on a learning curve, and I am no exception. I’ve always been a lifelong learner and I welcome the opportunity to test the old grey cells before it’s too late.  

As for my third word – life – I really want to make sure that I have some down time in 2016 so it is not all work.  I guess the goal here is I am wanting to make sure I get a life.   

I have to say it’s tempting to also throw in a fourth word for 2016, because in order for all the above to work – I have to let go.  And I think it is feasible as I have a great team at Company of Women who will carry on the day-to-day work.  Plus I won’t be disappearing, just being more selective on where I participate.

So what’s your three words?  Try it on for size, you might be surprised where it takes you. 

New Year. New You?

 A new year is dawning and it’s the time of the year when we want a fresh start; to wipe the slate clean and start over. 

We’re going to change our ways, right?  But as Marshall Goldsmith says in his new book, Triggers - “meaningful behavioral change is very hard to do.”

In fact he has come up with 16 belief triggers that can hinder our quest to change.  As we work on our resolutions and goals for 2016, we may want to keep these triggers in mind, so we don’t self-sabotage our efforts to change.

1.     If I understand, I will do
There is a big difference between understanding and doing.  Just think of the big plans you had after attending a conference, and how when you got home, those ideas never materialized.   

2.     I have willpower and won’t give in to temptation
Few of us foresee the challenges we will face. Something always comes up to sink our boat.  This belief is triggered by overconfidence.

3.     Today is a special day
We pick a date to start but likely there will be momentary lapses and we can’t just self-exempt ourselves every time.

4.     At least I am better than….
Other people have to change more than we do.  We’re not the worst and so we use that excuse to take it easy and lower the bar.

5.     I shouldn’t need help and structure
Marshall believes one of our most dysfunctional beliefs is our contempt for simplicity and structure.   We have faith that we can succeed on our own.

6.     I won’t get tired and my enthusiasm will not fade
We rarely realize that self-control is a limited resource.

7.     I have all the time in the world
We totally underestimate the time it takes to get stuff done and we believe time is open-ended, all of which leads to procrastination.

8.     I won’t get distracted and nothing unexpected will happen.
Reality is that we seldom plan or allow for distractions. We have unrealistic expectations of what we can achieve.

9.     An epiphany will suddenly change my life
Often this is when we hit rock bottom, and for a while we “see the light.” Marshall calls this magical thinking.  He’s skeptical of the instant conversion experience.  Yes, there may be change in the short term, but it is not likely to be long-lasting because it is based on impulse.

10.  My change will be permanent and I will never have to worry again
He compares this belief to the fairy tale ending of “happily ever after” which isn’t based in reality.

11.  My elimination of old problems will not bring on new problems.
Reality is that fast as we get rid of old problems, new ones will arise. 

12.  My efforts will be fairly rewarded
This, argues Goldsmith, is a childhood fantasy that all is fair in the world.  If you are only pursuing change for external rewards – like making more money – it’s not going to work well for you.  Getting better has its own rewards.

13.  No one is paying attention to me
Therefore no one will notice if you lapse.  When we revert back to old behaviour, people always notice.

14.  If I change, I am “inauthentic”
Sometimes we refuse to adapt to new situations because “it isn’t me.”  For example, saying that “I am not good at giving positive recognition.  That’s just not me.”

15.  I have the wisdom to assess my own behaviour
But are you being objective?  Often we credit successes to our efforts while the failures are caused by others.

16.  My environment is my friend

We think we are in sync with our environment, but actually it’s at war with us claims Goldsmith. Throughout our day we enter new environments which can change our behaviour in sly ways, and we need to pay more attention to its influence on us.

It’s a daunting list isn’t it?  Makes you wonder why we bother, but if we don’t change and grow we can become stagnant and too set in our ways. 

Goldsmith goes on to provide strategies to make the changes you want in your life and your business.  Using the Wheel of Change, he recommends you

• ·      create something new,
• ·      preserve what’s working for you,
• ·      eliminate what isn’t, and
• ·      accept what you can’t change.

Then to keep you on track, he has come up with daily questions to ask yourself, so you can measure not just how well you are doing but how much you are trying to change.

As Goldsmith shares no one can make us change unless we truly want to change.  The key there is self-awareness, of knowing where you need to change how you behave, how you think and how you show up in the world.  And that takes some tough introspection on your part.