A legacy of love

As I listened to Debbie’s daughters describe what she was like, I started to wonder exactly what my daughters and friends would say about me after I died?

It’s an interesting thought isn’t it.  We all want our lives to have meaning, to bring meaning into the lives of others and to leave a legacy that will carry on long after we have gone.

Debbie, who was fondly known as “The Boss.” had played such an important role in planning her memorial service - picking the verses from the bible, the music to be played - that you felt she was in the room, watching over us.

I was listening to a podcast on CBC this week about a man who decided to have a living wake.  He was terminally ill and had chosen to have an assisted suicide, so he knew when he was going to die.  However, rather than the funeral after he was gone, he wanted to host this last party and be there for it.

It was touching listening to the tributes, and I found myself laughing when one friend lamented that the host kept pissing him off, to which he replied it was one of his great talents.  The friend then went on to explain that first he’d retired two years earlier than him, and now he was checking out earlier too.  It was all said with great love and respect.

All of which leads me to thinking that we need to say more to the people we love now while they are alive and able to hear us, and not wait for the eulogy to emotionally share with others about how we felt about the person who has just died.

When I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time,  I announced my news at a Company of Women meeting.   I did so because I wanted the women to go for the mammogram and not put it off, and also because as I said at the time, it was not convenient to “check out” right then, as I was busy and had too much to do.  I was touched by the outpouring of love I received.    

But that’s my point.  We shouldn’t have to wait until someone is dying or gets a cancer diagnosis to share how we feel about that person.  How much happier we would all be if we spoke up now, not when it’s too late for your loved one to hear, about how we feel about them.  

Granted we all show our love differently, as I learned when I read the Five Languages of Love.  For some it’s being of service, kind gestures or thoughtful gifts, for others it is more physical, but I can’t help but think that using our words, actually saying out loud how we feel means that the message is received and understood.

Love.  It is one four-lettered word that is under-used.  Time to change that.

Three words to live by

I suspect I am not the only one to be glad to see the back of 2016.  While there were a few personal highs – like the launch of my publishing company and a wedding party reunion, there were a lot of lows and some, like what’s happening with our friends south of the border, continue to be worrisome.

But I am an optimist by nature, and you have to focus on the best and on what will be positive in the year ahead. 

Many years ago I stopped doing New Year resolutions. Frankly they were a waste of time, as after the initial commitment, I forgot all about them.  Instead I started to come up with three words that I wanted to live my life by in the year ahead.

That strategy has worked well for me.  So drum roll please…. the words for 2017 are Listen. Learn. Love.  (I like alliteration).  Let me explain why those words as each has several reasons for being chosen.

Listen.  It is important to listen to those around you – your colleagues, clients, family and friends.  When you listen, you learn more and can be more effective as a leader.  But I also want to listen more to myself  - to trust my intuition and act on it, and to listen to my body when it tells me that I am working too hard.

Learn.   With starting a new business, there is a lot to learn and I want to be open to that learning, as I strive to be the best I can be.  So often I learn lessons the hard way, and even if that’s how I grasp the information, I want to pay attention and act accordingly.   I also want to remember and learn from past experiences, and say “no” when I need to, instead of trying to please everyone.

Love.  I only want to work on what I love to do, hang out with people that I like and love, and who in turn value and care about me.  I also want to spend more time with the people that I really care about and love deeply like my family and close friends.

These words are probably no different from previous years but I believe they are more intentional.  I almost feel this will be the “year of me.” After the deaths of family members and friends last year and other disappointments, I am determined to live my life in a way that matters most to me.

What words would you choose?  Reflect on your past year and focus on what you want for 2017.   Then make it happen.

2016 - Lessons learned

My year at a glance...

 I think I started 2016 in retirement mode.  I’d just turned 65 and it seemed time to hand over the reigns and with that mindset I started the year looking at transition, at moving on.   But that was not to be  and now as 2016 comes to a close, I’ve got my mojo back and am raring to go for another season. 

Life is fragile.  I learned this at the beginning of the year when our 32 year old nephew-in-law died of cancer.  Far too young and far too soon.  

We wrapped up the year with the sudden death of my colleague and friend Diane McGee.  Both deaths serve to remind me that life is short and to focus on what you want to do.

When it is important, people show up.   On the worst snowstorm of the season it was the launch date of the One Red Lipstick book.  We had 80 people registered and four speakers who were travelling a distance. Over 60 folks turned up, as well as all four speakers.

Be a role model.  The message behind One Red Lipstick is that we need to step up and be role models for the generations behind us.  We often don’t realize the wisdom we can share.  I’ve since signed up to be a mentor in a couple of programs.

People come into your life for a reason. Pay attention.   Learn what you need to learn, give what you can give. Enjoy the relationship and make the most of your time together.  

Never say never.   I had declared to myself that our conference (the 10^th) would be my last one.  Well that lasted about a day after the event and then I got into gear to plan the conference for 2017.

You don’t know what you don’t know. Especially when you start a new business.  Launching Full Circle Publishing has been an exciting and humbling experience. It’s not easy to be back in the beginner’s seat.

Be careful what you wish for.  Full Circle Publishing was to be my “retirement” project – something I could do from anywhere and which I could manage in terms of size.  In three months we have published five books, with more in the wings.

Smiling can take you a long way.  On our trip to Nova Scotia we received such great customer service.  People took an interest in you, smiled and were happy to be helping you. 

Read the small print.  When you go over documents quickly you can miss important stuff, which can cost you money. And it did.

Laughter is good medicine.   By co-incidence we had our best man and bridesmaid staying with us in time for our 44^th wedding anniversary. We spent an amazing weekend together.  I don’t think any of us have laughed so much in years.  By far the highlight of the year.

Be pragmatic.  When your plans fall through, while disappointing at the time, you need to come up with Plan B and move on. Wallowing in what could have been doesn’t get you too far.  Plus who knows, maybe Plan B is better.

Delegate. It’s not all about me.   I am excited about 2017 – we have some new programs in the works.  I’ve learned this year to delegate and I intend to do more of that in the year ahead.  It’s only taken me 14 years to realize I don’t have to, nor should I do everything!

That’s it.  A month by month take on my year. 

It’s been a busy one – and the one constant is relationships, because it’s the relationships we have with our family, friends, colleagues and customers that can make or break our businesses.

Passing the test of time

Forty-four years ago I married my husband.   It was a small wedding in Wimbledon, England.  We were young, but that’s what you did back then.  I was twenty-one and my husband was three years older.

Three years later we were off on a big, exciting adventure – we emigrated to Canada.  We didn’t have jobs, but with the confidence of youth, we were sure that would not be a problem. And it wasn’t.

This past weekend we hosted a wedding reunion – as by chance our best man and his wife were here on vacation from England, and our bridesmaid and her family were visiting Canada from Scotland. 

We’d known both since we were young children, so our friendship spanned over sixty years.  On the Saturday night, there were twelve of us gathered around to celebrate – not just our anniversary but being together once again.

It was incredible.  It was like slipping back in time as we shared stories, jokes and updated each other on what was happening in our lives.  They say that laughter burns calories and if this is true, I lost pounds this past weekend.  I haven’t laughed continuously like that in a long, long time.  Not only that, our adult children all got on well too. 

You may be wondering where I am going with this blog and what it has to do with business, but it has everything to do with business.  It’s about relationships, trust and staying connected.

When did you last connect with your top customers or ones who have been with you for years?  Have those relationships stood the test of time?  Sometimes we spend so much time looking for new clients that we forget the ones who’ve stayed with us; who have been loyal and with whom we have a trusting relationship. 

Don’t take them for granted.  Like any relationships, you have to stay connected and take an interest to keep the two-way communication working.

We have wonderful memories from this reunion and this gathering marks the highlight of my year.