Birthing a book

Last week Amy and I sent draft copies of our book Good Enough off to be reviewed by some friends and colleagues.

This is truly nerve wracking - it's like sending your first born off to kindergarten for the first time and spending your day worrying whether the other children will  like her?  Will the book be liked by our readers?  Will they love the stories and find the strategies we suggest for overcoming self doubt useful? 

Just as we can get defensive about our children, we are bracing ourselves for the feedback, telling ourselves not to get defensive, to listen and make the changes suggested.

This book has been three years in the making.  We've connected with over 350 women, so we're not making up the sense of overwhelm and fear of failure that many women feel.  Oh some of us camouflage it well - we wear a mask, pretending all is well with the world, while deep inside we worry that someone will find us out for the imposter we think we are.

It is also not just one generation - it manifests itself in young and older alike and across cultural and social differences. It's universal. 

We thank the women who so openly and generously shared their stories - which were sometimes painful to hear yet, we hope in the telling that the women can take pride in their courage and honesty in speaking up.

In a couple of months the book will be birthed, ready for the world to see and read. 

 In the meantime, we are experiencing the usual labour pains, coupled with the pangs of anxiety typical of all new parents. 

Out of the mouth of babes

Last week I attended Matilda.  For those of you unfamiliar with the Roald Dahl’s story, it is about a little girl who has the misfortune to live in a home where the parents couldn’t care less about her and who attends a school where the principal feels children are just maggots.

Not much of a life for a child.  You will be pleased to learn that there is one character, Miss Honey, who does take a caring interest in the child.  But in one of the Matilda’s songs, she has a strong message for all of us. 

Here’s just some of the lyrics:

Just because you find that life's not fair, it
Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it.
If you always take it on the chin and wear it, nothing will change.
Just because I find myself in this story,
It doesn't mean that everything is written for me.
If I think the ending is fixed already,
I might as well be saying I think that it's OK,
And that's not right!

Interesting.  An important message for any of us who may be feeling stuck, who see no “light at the end of the tunnel.”  As Matilda says, if we do nothing it won’t change.

As we start a new year, what changes could you make?  As Matilda says, just because life seems predictable, doesn’t mean you have to subscribe to the ending you think is written for you.

Following extensive research, Amy Vodarek and I are finishing off our book Good Enough? which is coming out this Spring. After connecting with over 350 women, we’ve learnt more about how and why women suffer from self-doubt or feel an imposter, all of which holds them back from realizing their potential. 

But it doesn’t have to be that way.  Many of the women described digging in and making new and often difficult choices. But one’s for the better. It means we have to reflect on what is happening, both past and present, ask ourselves tough questions and look at small steps we can take to change the situation and take charge of our lives.

Because as Matilda says, to stay stuck, is not right.