This week I have been reminded of the fragility of life. None of us really knows what tomorrow will bring.

Certainly that is true for two people I know. One has just learned that her son - a young twenty-something, has an aggressive form of leukemia. With a young family of his own, he has a tough battle ahead of him. And as a parent, my thoughts are with his parents, because we just never want anything bad to happen to our kids.

Then yesterday I woke to a call from a girlfriend whose sister had just been contacted and informed that they had a kidney for her. In other words, they were offering her a new lease on life if she was willing to grab it. And she did. They scurried through all the prep work and last night, she received a new kidney. Exciting and scary at the same time. The next few days will be crucial but what a brave, life-changing decision she made.

So as you go about your day, be grateful and say a few prayers for those whose lives have changed - for the better or worse, in the blink of a second.

I have been following with interest the blog on the Business Challenge - especially since Judy Steed asked me to submit something - which I did. - http://thestar.blogs.com/bizchallenge


In writing up my piece, I checked to see who else had submitted comments and was horrified for Susan to see that someone (a disgruntled customer) had used this opportunity to complain about the service she'd received. A business owner's worst nightmare. It is one thing to deal with an angry client one-on-one, or even in a group - but to have to handle the situation in the public domain is another matter.

One hopes that common sense will prevail and that readers will realize that you can't please everyone. I know there are times when I wonder if women have attended the same event when I review the evaluation cards, in that some LOVED the speaker, while others thought she shouldn't give up her day job.

Part of it is people's expectations. In Susan's defence - this woman clearly expected to meet the man of her dreams through Dinnerworks, but he wasn't someone who was ten years older. But when we narrow our expectations and have rigid ideas of who is right for us - we run the risk of not meeting some interesting people, and who knows - someone who was a perfect match (if he exists - but that's a whole other topic!)

At Company of Women, I have members who almost seem to expect big business orders within seconds of handing out their business card and meeting someone for the first time. It ain't going to happen. People do business with people they know and trust, and that takes time. You have to build the relationship.

What do you think?

The law of attraction... everyone is talking about it. Have you seen The Secret? people ask.

As someone who has always been the eternal optimist, I find it exciting to hear that others are now finding merit in not only being positive, but in sending out to the universe what you want out of life. Much has been written about how when we focus on what's wrong; not working, what we don't want - we just get more of the same. So changing your attitude, changes the outcome.

I've often been told that I am lucky... and yes, I am. But you know what... part of that luck comes from taking risks and putting myself out there.

Case in point, there was an interesting article in The Toronto Star two weeks ago about ten entrepreneurs who had been selected from hundreds to be blessed with a coach and business advisor for four months. As I read about the entrepreneurs, I found myself truly identifying with one of the winners - Susan Kates, who runs a successful business - Dinnerworks, a networking group for singles.

Like Company of Women, Dinnerworks was attracting lots of people and from all appearances seemed like a growing concern. However, like Company of Women, it's labour intensive and hard to eke out a profit. So I was interested to learn how Susan plans to turn this around.

I am always encouraging people to connect, so I took my own advice and contacted Susan. Within a couple of days we'd met, brainstormed and shared ideas, with a promise to stay in touch. It was good to talk to someone who faced similar challenges and issues, but who also loved what she was doing.

This week when the Toronto Star reports back on what has been happening with Susan... lo and behold, Company of Women is mentioned, with our website and date of next dinner and the reporter now wants to connect with me.

So the moral of my story is... when your intuition tells you to connect with someone... do. You just never know where it will lead, and what's the worst that can happen - they don't return your call. Hey, then they don't know what they are missing.

New Year, new start - that's certainly how it feels. By the end of 2006, I was feeling a bit depleted after a hectic fall. So it was good to take a break, visit with friends and family and get a fresh perspective over the holiday season.

It is usually hard for me to switch off ... but I was more than ready to do so when December 21st rolled round. Can highly recommend it, as I am back at my desk after that 10 day break, full of energy and enthusiasm again.

Yesterday I received a lovely email from a woman in New York who has just started her business and advised me that Company of Women had inspired her to do so! We all should get such positive feedback. It served to remind me that while we don't hear back from everyone whose lives we've touched... we are making a difference.

Are you ready?

That's the question I keep hearing as I rush around trying to finish my shopping. This year the holiday season seems to have crept up on us and I, for one, am WAY behind.

Usually I have the cards ready to go around the time of the Grey Cup, but this year I am still writing them. I always like to enclose a letter, especially for those overseas and equally enjoy getting one back. Some letters are so humourous and you can just picture the scenes described. Others seem like a testimonial and it leaves you wondering if anything real ever happens in those households. And others send photos which helps you visualize your friends in other parts of the world and they don't seem so far away.

It's a time for family, friends and fellowship. Yet, for those who have just lost a loved one, it can be a heart-wrenching period, with their loss so raw and painful. We have some friends who have just lost their second daughter, two deaths within a short period of time. It doesn't seem fair and you just know this will be a tough time for them. As the mother of two daughters myself, I can't even begin to imagine their pain.

For others, it may be job loss or a divorce that changes the family dynamic and for some people who are always alone, this time of year is no different for them.

Many of us can afford to do something beyond our own family. This year, we became the secret Santa for two children who'd stayed at Nellie's, the shelter in Toronto. It was fun to shop and choose gifts that you knew they'd enjoy and yes, it does make you feel good; that you're doing something concrete to make some children happy.

We can all do something - dropping change into the Salvation Army Kettle; helping a family in need or inviting someone on their own to join you for dinner... Whatever ... let's get into the holiday spirit, because the true joy is in giving, not receiving.

This week I had an ‘aha’ moment.

For a few months now I have been struggling to determine the best direction to take Company of Women. Of course, we could just stay the course, but I’ve never been one to stand still.

Expanding to other communities is one option and I certainly get my share of requests, or we could offer more programs to service the members we already have and to some extent this fall we have done that. But it doesn't seem enough.

It wasn’t until I was in a conversation with a couple of members about ATHENA, that the light bulb went on. As our talk evolved about the importance of young women learning leadership skills, I realized that what was missing for me in both my volunteer work and in Company of Women, was my need to make a meaningful difference.

Later in the week, when I was interviewing for new interns, I could see that we had a role to play in mentoring these young women, helping them to gain the confidence and skills to succeed. Powerful stuff.

End conclusion - Company of Women doesn’t need to grow bigger or broader – it needs go deeper. Personally I need to see first hand that our involvement is making a difference – whether it is through a mentoring program or a special award for a young woman entrepreneur or establishing a business hub that supports women new to business – the ideas are endless. So stay tuned… and if you have some ideas to throw into the pot… let me know.

Last week we had Marg Hachey of Duocom as our guest speaker. Her topic was adapting to change and as she outlined the changes in technology that her business has faced, you knew she'd walked her talk.

From selling overhead projectors to web-conferencing, Marg's company has transformed itself several times over, changing to adapt to the different needs of its customers and the growing reliance on technology as a global communication tool.

As she outlined her strategies, it was quickly evident why Marg is #11 in the top 100 women entrepreneurs in Canada - she's savvy, she listens and she stays ahead of the trends. But what the audience perhaps most appreciated was her down-to-earth, common sense approach.

Her story is inspiring. Married at 18, a mother of two sons by 23, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do when she had both the boys in school. She started off selling Avon and discovered she had a real talent for sales. Soon she was heading up a large team of sales staff but she knew she needed something more.

It was then that she started selling overhead projectors... for someone else. When she started her own business, it quickly grew and she now has eight offices across Canada and her technicians can be found at most of the major events in Canada. When her sales reached $52 million, she decided it was time to sell which she did to a US firm. Within three years, they had bankrupted the company and Marg knew she had to rescue her firm, so she bought it back.

The entire family now works in Duocom - her husband and her two sons. This truly is a family business and with Marg at the helm, you know they are destined to succeed once again

Just one more day to go and I will hand over the reception reigns to someone else. It feels good. While it has been fun to escape from some of the demands of Company of Women and to take on a different role, I am ready to get back to my own life and my own business.

Working the two shifts has been a stretch, but I've learned a lot too. I've been reminded how much I like being with people. When you work at home, the four walls can close in and you get tired of your own company. I've learned a new software program, and tested the old grey cells and was pleasantly surprised to discover they're still able to take in something new.

But most of all, I have watched my friend blossom and grow as she gains confidence, not only in her ability to run a business, but that people want to access her services. We all get doubts, especially at the beginning, when we don't know what we don't know.

So Monday I will be back at my desk, back in my comfort zone but back with renewed respect for all of you who live these double lives - employee by day, entrepreneur by night - now that takes energy, passion and commitment. Kudos to you.

Imagine sitting down with your personal chef to discuss the menu for dinner... Sounds wonderful right? Well that was my lot in life last week during a two-night stay at the Hillcrest Valenova Inn in Port Hope.

What an amazing experience. Robin Dines, owner of Hillcrest and a Company of Women member, had invited me as her guest to sample the pleasures of being pampered at her retreat.

The timing couldn't have been better, as after a hectic fall, I was more than ready to get away, switch off and just hand myself over to the massage therapist and esthetician who worked wonders on my tired body.

I went with a girlfriend and we had fun reconnecting, sharing stories and talking about our lives. And back to the chef.. the food was a gourmet delight. This isn't a carrot juice type place althought the food is prepared with your health in mind.

My thanks to Robin for encouraging me to go, for making my visit outstanding and for creating a haven for women (and men) where you can regroup, re-energize and reconnect.

If you get a chance, check it out for yourself. You will be glad you did.

Well I am still living a double life. Receptionist by day at my friend’s salon, business owner by night – probably not unlike many of the Company of Women members who have day jobs while they build their businesses on the side.

It’s a full and tiring life isn’t it. I have new admiration for those of you who do this on an ongoing basis. But I have to say there are aspects of being the receptionist that are quite fun. One elderly lady told me I was doing a great job, and believing I was just a temp (true) and looking for a job (not true), touched my arm and told me she thought I’d get snapped up, and not to worry about finding work. Good to know.

Most of the clients have been quite charming and I have enjoyed the interaction with them, but just as in any business there have been a few who have been less respectful and demanding, believing your only role in life is to serve them.

I’ve even mastered the computer program so hey – I can add this to my resume. But most important of all, I’d like to think that I’ve been there to support my friend. It’s scary starting a new business and I know for myself, having friends around to give you a boost, helps you get through the day. It’s also good to have someone to bounce off ideas as while the end decision rests with the business owner, getting input and encouragement, makes you feel less alone.

So as we recruit a full time receptionist for the salon, and my stint ends, I know I am going to miss my “regulars.” Being with and helping people reminds me of the part of Company of Women I like best – interacting with the women involved.

We always imagine that someone who is successful, made a name for herself would never have self-doubts. Yet at the 10th ATHENA Gala, guest speaker, Susan Aglukark – Canadian singer and songwriter, shared that she often questioned whether she was talented enough to be successful. As her beautiful voice soared and she explained the meaning behind the songs she sang, there was little doubt in the audience that she not only had the talent, but had the wisdom and depth to succeed.

Why do we question ourselves? I was one of the organizers of that event, and behind the scenes a couple of things went wrong that potentially could have spoiled the evening. I had spent hours co-ordinating the event, making lists, checking the lists, and yet my first thought when each problem came up, was that I had somehow screwed up, I had forgotten something. As it was, we were able to resolve the situations and no, I was not to blame- the responsibility rested with others.

Keen to enhance my writing skills, I am reading a book that gives you different exercises to do to stretch yourself. One was to write for ten minutes on what I remember, and then on what I don’t remember; I know and I don’t know; and I am and I am not. Once again, I found the pen just flowed when it came to the negatives and I struggled more with coming up with the positives.

Ironically, our next breakfast meeting will focus on staying positive, managing our self-doubt – topics that the women in the group chose – so clearly I am not alone, and clearly I need to listen and take notes too!

This week I am helping out a friend who has just opened up a business. It has been interesting to realize how many steps are involved in just getting started, and all the paperwork required. I guess much depends on the type of business, but when you are opening up a store or retail business, there is so much more to consider than starting a home office.

Right now I am learning her computer system, which given my own challenges this fall, is somewhat ironic. This may be the blind leading the blind, but it makes for a change in the routine and by taking this on, it frees up my friend to do what she does best. I just hope I don't totally screw up and double-book people for appointments, etc. The computerized cash register also takes some getting used to and the first time the drawer sprung open, I just about jumped out of my seat!

So, all in all, I think this is going to be a great learning experience and provided I don't manage to put her out of business before week end, it should be fun. However, I know... I won't give up my day job.

There was not a dry eye in the room, even our speaker, Barbara Underhill shed a few tears as she shared her story. As she said herself, she'd experienced the highs of success as a skater and the depths of despair as a mother whose child had died in a bizarre accident.

Yet she used that tragedy to turn it into something positive - not just for herself - but for Canadian children. Through her work with the Stephanie Gaetz Foundation, children in Ontario have the opportunity to learn life-saving water skills, so that should an emergency occur, they know how to cope, and more importantly how to survive.

She's also found that when you give love, you get it back tenfold. Everyone was touched by her gesture of giving us each two angels. One for ourselves, and one to give to someone else who is hurting, and needs an angel.

Her other key message was around the importance of keeping your sense of humour, no matter what. When she showed the last clip of her skating with Paul Martini, just a few months after her daughter had died, you could see and appreciate the belly laughs, as she accidently pulled her partner's pants off during a skating routine. It was just what she needed, and it worked. It helped her turn a corner; to realize that life does go on.

While Barbara only talked with us for half an hour, she gave us a lot to think about and her message brought home the importance of relationships - family and friends. None of us lives in isolation, nor should we.

I'm back. How was your September? Mine was a whirlwind which resulted in my silence. After the 60K walk, we plunged into programming with three major events in eight days. What was I thinking?! Clearly not enough to recognize that this would be a drain on our resources and our energy levels.

And if that wasn't enough, we've had our share of technical problems. My computer crashed (and died) leaving me bereft and all at sea for four, l-o-n-g days after which I had to grapple with new programs and you all know about me and learning curves!

Then there's the printers - our main one keeps asking for a change in personality - would gladly oblige if it meant we got one that co-operated, and our back-up printer is out of toner which Staples tells us is back-ordered until November! Even our Moneris printer has been coughing and spluttering So you get the gist... there's a black cloud over all that is technical in our office.

Talking of personalities - no, not the printer's - we've had our share of difficult people too. Must be the full moon or something. So all told, I'm glad to see October.

bizwomen

It's been a tough week. Tired from the walk and frustrated with my computer which died on me last week. You don't realize how much you rely on accurate, consistent information until you don't have it on hand. My techie guy was great - I can't fault him - and I am sure at times he was despairing my lack of knowledge.

On the other hand, without easy access to email, I had to do business the old-fashioned way - ie by phone. Not a bad thing all told as you at least make a more personal connection. Being without a computer also forced me to slow down a bit for which my body was likely grateful.

Sometimes the universe unfolds as it should, we just don't always appreciate it at the time.

Meet Anne Day - Marathon Walker! We did it. 60K over two days in the Weekend to End Breast Cancer. And our team raised over $24,000 for the cause! Over 5,200 walkers helped to raise $17.2 million for breast cancer research through this event.

There were six on our team (Chicks out Walking) . We were among the first thousand walkers to cross the fnish line and even had enough energy to boogie into the stadium - not bad for a group of "old broads."

It's been three days since we completed the walk, and I needed that time - not to recoup, but to reflect on all that happened and the whole experience.

For the past six months we have been training for this weekend, walking an average of 30K a week and during these walks, we've talked and shared stories of our lives and become closer as a result. We built our own support network.

What struck me most about the whole event, was how much people care. They really want to see a cure for this disease. From the dedication of the walkers of all shapes and sizes; the team of volunteers who cheered us on; to the people on the street, who came out to greet us, sharing food and nourishment. One elderly gentleman even provided a rose for each walker. You were made to feel cherished, as if you were doing something special for mankind and people kept thanking us for doing the walk.

On the Wednesday, together with another member of our team, I had the opportunity to be in the audience of CityLine where were got pampered, receiving many lovely gifts. We also heard from Dr. Marla Shapiro and Dr. Robert Buckman who talked about changing our vocabulary and attitudes towards cancer. In particular, I liked his sentiments about people who have had cancer. He didn't like the term survivor as it implied that others had died, and the survivor was just coping. He preferred the word "thriver" and I could relate to that.

As a breast cancer survivor, I found myself revered by the other walkers at this event. In the closing ceremonies for example, we had to walk through an aisle of honour where people cried, and reached out to touch you, which frankly was a bit overwhelming and made me feel somewhat uncomfortable.

You see I don't really see myself as a survivor. I think I am someone who, yes, has had cancer, but that is not who I am, nor does it define me in any way. I like the concept of thriving, because I've moved on. I have learned some invaluable lessons from having cancer - an appreciation of what is important in life and how I want to spend my time, but I refuse to get caught up in the negativity of illness or to hold a pity party for myself.

When a couple of friends told me that they were going to walk on my behalf, I realized that it was important for me to walk for myself. I wanted to prove that I could do this, that I had the stamina and health to push myself physically and emotionally. And I did.

Am I proud of what we accomplished? You bet. Would I do it again? Without question. It is all part of ensuring that our daughters never have to deal with this disease. It is all part of thriving, and it is a vital part of living life to the fullest.

Back to school

Next week hundreds and thousands of children will be heading back to school. No doubt their parents will have mixed feelings - glad to have the children back into a routine, but not looking forward to all that homework and the frantic driving from one activity to another.

I had my own taste of learning this week, when I tried to master the behind-the-scenes workings of our website. I've been on a steep learning curve and I don't like being a novice when competency is all important to me. There were times when I felt totally frustrated as I attempted to post something on the site, only to click the wrong button and watch it disappear.

And then there's time when I managed to get something up on the site, only to find when you clicked on it, it sent you to the wrong information! I guess we all have our skill sets and this isn't one of mine. However, I felt a true sense of pride when I did manage to change an icon on the home page - it didn't quite line up straight but hey... I'd figured out by myself how to do it.

All this serves to remind me that the next few weeks are likely to be just as scary, testy and frustrating for our kids as they learn new programs, master new skills and manage new relationships. None of us like to feel stupid and out of our depth, so some empathy and understanding can go a long way to supporting our kids as they grapple with these new situations.

In another life I used to teach a program called Your Child's Self Esteem, based on a book by Dorothy Corkille Briggs. In it she talked about how there are two things a child needs to believe - I am lovable and I am capable. Children rarely question our expectations so if they are too high, we are setting them up to fail and likewise, if they are too low, the outcome is the same.
Check your expectations. Are they realistic for the age and stage your child is at?

As an adult we tend to have high expectations of ourselves too, particularly when we're A types with perfectionist tendencies! This week has been a humbling experience and I am trying not to be too hard on myself. One thing for sure, in another life I am not going to become a webmaster - I'll leave that to others.

Thirteen miles... 20 K... if anyone had told me that I would walk that distance, I would have laughed in their face. But we did. And in 30 degree weather.

That's our latest achievement in our training for the 60K walk. I know - we have a ways to go , but just knowing that you can do 20K without too much difficulty is reassuring. Now I have to confess, I did have a nap when I got back.

Pushing yourself physically is very empowering. It is amazing what you can achieve when you set goals, and build in milestones so that step-by-step (sorry for the pun), you get there. And we've been preparing ourselves - doing the stretches, drinking more water and trying to eat healthily so that we are ready for the ultimate challenge on September 8 and 9. We've also become quite the support group for each other, looking out for each other on when one of us has a sore back, ankle or knee.

It's a bit like starting and building a business. When you set goals and work out how to attain them, you are half way there. Having checkpoints along the way, helps you to measure what else you need to do to ensure you realize your goals. Making sure you have the right ingredients in place also makes success more attainable and surrounding yourself with people who believe in you can make all the difference.

So while we may be training for a marathon walk, we're also learning vital lessons about life and business too.

Recently one of my members asked me to explain more about the mastermind groups we are launching this fall, and I was pleased to do so. When I finished, she encouraged me to spread the word and let people know what was involved and how it had worked for me, as she suspected, correctly I think, that people don't understand what they are all about.

So... here we are. I figured this was one way to promote the program. I first came across mastermind groups when I joined Verity - a women's club in Toronto. Basically the group is made up of seven other women business owners and we meet on a monthly basis to talk and share issues concerning our business. The key is that they are not in a similar business and that there be a trained facilitator who can keep the group on track and ensure everyone "shares the air."

At the first meeting, we shared our issues and based on that discussion, set an agenda for the months ahead. Each month there would be a topic, and each month we would check in and discuss our views. Sometimes the focus would be more on one member, but it always seemed to balance out, as later the focus would be on someone else. And sometimes, you preferred it that way as you were not in the hot seat!

At the beginning of each meeting we would check in, sharing the highs and lows of the previous month, we'd cover the topic of the month, and at the end, do a check out, stating what goals we wanted to work on in the month ahead. Knowing that you would have to check in the next month, made you accountable and more likely to work on those goals.

For example, one of my goals was to find sponsors and in order to do that, I had to work on a sponsorship kit, which I did. Lesson one - leave your ego at the door. I went in thinking it was pretty good and the job done. Wrong. One of the women in the group had a marketing background and she gave me some sound advice and I went back and made the changes. The outcome - I recruited two sponsors last year. Would that have happened anyway? Maybe, but most likely I would not have got around to doing it. However, having declared the goal to the group, I was more compelled to get it done. I found the objective feedback truly helpful and it made me to look at my information package from a different perspective.

Based on my experiences in a mastermind group, I felt sure Company of Women members would also benefit and several of our business coaches have generously come forward to lead the groups. If you are serious about taking your business to the next level, consider signing up for one of these groups. It's two hours a month, $40/month (that's just $10/week) and you'll gain so much more from the experience. Think about it.

Imagine .... 40 women on a school bus. The noise level alone told you people were connecting, chatting and having fun.

Where were we off to? Over 80 women from Company of Women decided to check out the musical in town - Menopause Out Loud. Now I have to confess, I've seen the production twice, both times in Chicago, so I am definitely a show "groupie." However, I was thrilled that the Toronto production was just as good, especially since I'd persuaded 80+ women to join me.

Whereas menopause used to be a silent passage, after seeing Menopause Out Loud, you realize the whole process does provide fodder for a good laugh. And laugh we did. I am not sure what I enjoyed more ... seeing the musical again, or watching the other women enjoy the evening and laugh, sometimes hysterically outloud. Probably the latter.

Laughter is so good for you - you even burn calories - what better way to get slim?
The enthusiasm and excitement that this theatre outing generated among the women speaks to our need to let go and play. I got numerous emails from people saying how much they were looking forward to the event, and judging by the response last night, I don't think any of them were disappointed.

So let's build the momentum. Make sure you take time out to play - even if it is just for 30 minutes... you are more than worth it.