Farewell my friend...

Much has been written over the past few days about the sudden death of Donna Messer. On April 3^rd, Canada lost a woman who was known across the country as the “Queen of Networking”  and there has been an outpouring of love as people share their stories of how she helped them. 

I only wish Donna could have witnessed how much of an impact she’d had on people’s lives.

I first met Donna over twenty years ago.  She had been speaking at a board of trade event, sharing her story of how she started Orange Crate, a company she successfully ran for ten years and I went to introduce myself after her talk.  We stayed connected, as you do with Donna, and over the years, our paths would frequently cross.

But it was when I was working for government, that I first saw the power of Donna’s networking in action.  At the time I was running a program called Words on Work, where successful women would come into the classroom to share their career paths with female high school students.  Naturally Donna was quick to sign up and when we were at a conference in Stratford, where she was speaking, she “planted” her introduction of me to the audience, helping me recruit more women to my program.

That’s what Donna did.  If she believed in you and what you were doing, she’d go out of her way to make sure you met who you needed to meet.  She was like a walking rolodex with all the people she knew, always making the introductions to help you get ahead.

One of the best connections she made for me was when she introduced me to Jean Price, one of her closest friends, who fast became one of mine.   It is those friendships in life that we hold dear, because no matter how far away you may live, you just know the other person will be there for you.

And Donna was there for so many people – she was always supporting the underdog whether it was the immigrant doctor who was driving a taxi or the new entrepreneur shakily starting her business.

She was outspoken and quick to put you right if, in her opinion, you did something wrong.  I remember being told off when I forgot to bring my business cards to an event she was hosting, you can imagine her horror.J

The last time I saw Donna was on International Women’s Day on March 8 when she was receiving an award.  How fitting.  I am so pleased that she was being honoured for all that she had done to help women get ahead in life. 

Just ten days later, she was given the devastating news of her cancer, news she wanted to keep private and so we respected her wishes.  Today I know people are reeling in shock. Even those of us who knew her dire prognosis, never believed she would be taken from us so soon.

For the past eight years, Donna has been a permanent fixture at my conference.  Always a popular speaker, she attracted many of her fans to come hear her speak.  She was scheduled to speak this year, so it will be strange for her not to be with us on May 26, but I know she will be there in spirit, encouraging us to reach out and support one another.

"Can I pick your brains?"

I love meeting new people.  It is always fun to sit down and connect, exploring how you can help one another.

But lately I ‘ve been inundated with introductions – people who think I just have to meet “Jane”; or folks who I’ve just met and want to expand on the discussion or new members who want to “pick my brain.”

While I would love, well most of the time, to meet everyone, there are just not enough hours in the day.  Plus I live in the country so travel and the time to travel becomes an issue and a huge deterrent.

It is becoming harder and harder to manage these e-introductions.  Oh I can quickly email back to say nice to meet you, but it’s the next step that gets cumbersome – they want to meet, Skype, chat with you on the phone – all of which is time.

When you run your own business, time is a precious commodity and I find it hard to dole it out to complete strangers.  Sure some sound interesting, but with others you just don’t see the connection or if it is a male speaker, I feel like saying from the get-go “you know I don’t use male speakers, as I want the women to see role models of their own gender.”  But how do you do all that, without seeming rude?

And that may be part of my problem, I was brought up to be polite, treat people with respect, etc… but then I also ask myself if these new “friends” are treating me with respect?  Do they know how busy I am?

Yet, I have to say that through a series of connections, I met someone who is based in Vancouver and who is now speaking at my conference.  So it does work.  But then when I look back, part of it was that the ‘referral’ came from someone I know well and who I trust.  The other intriguing factor that made me pick up the phone, was she has my maiden name – so it was like calling myselfJ

All of which goes to say, working out how to manage all these requests is challenging.  One thing I have learned is that as soon as someone says she wants to “pick my brains” my antenna goes up.  This is not going to be a quick call.  In fact, if I were still a consultant, I’d want to be charging for my time.

So there you go, this is my dilemma.  What do the rest of you do?  I am sure I am not alone with the challenges of managing the “want to-get-to-know-you” people in your life.   Send me some solutions.  And don’t worry, we don’t have to meet, Skype or chat on the phone. Just add your comments. 

You don't have to be alone when you own

I have always been a groupie.  

Like when we emigrated to Canada and actively sought out other ex-Brits, because we shared a common background, perspective and a dry sense of humour.  I found there was comfort in sharing observations of our new lives.

Or when I was a young mother, home alone with my first baby.  I’d always dreamt of being the “good mother,” ever-patient and loving every moment with my child.  Well, maybe not.  But that was my expectation and it wasn’t until I met up with some other young mothers, who fast became friends, that I realized how unrealistic my vision was.  These women were brave enough to remove the mask and we were able to share the good, the bad and the ugly with each other.

I was reminded of all this at this week’s re-launch of the Durham chapter when Jenny McKee, my new chapter leader, was quick to encourage the women to be real and not to put on phony fronts that all is well, when it isn’t.   It is when we are authentic and honest, both with ourselves and others, that we truly gain.

As I watched the women connect and open up to one another, you could see the heads nodding.  It is a relief to know that you are not the only one to feel isolated and alone when you run your own business – heck, that’s why I started Company of Women in the first place.

No matter what your business is, I’ve found that the issues are the same – finding customers, cash flow, keeping customers, cash flow, staying positive, and more -  and when we can open up and share our challenges, we can then draw on the wisdom of the women around us. 

Years ago I worked on a research project – Double Jeopardy – which was looking at how best to support women who were super-stressed and turning to drugs and alcohol to cope. What did we find out?  The women said connecting with others who had been in similar situations or were on the same path was what they needed.  It could be one-on-one or in groups, but the key component was that the women shared similar experiences.

As women we like to belong, to be part of a community and at Company of Women I’d like to think we’ve created a safe, non-judgmental environment where you can be Suzy, entrepreneur or just Suzy, depending on the day. 

Both are welcome. Let’s face it, the different segments of our lives are so intertwined, and each impacts the other.  So no matter what, just know that we support you and we’re here to help you succeed. 

Remember, there’s strength in numbers.

Canada geese show us the way

A few weeks ago out of our back window I watched a gaggle of Canadian geese gather in our field.  There had to be at least 30 of them.  Clearly a networking meeting!  Word was out – this was a happening event.

As they moved from one spot to the other, one led the way, and they walked single file into the next field.  But two were left behind, still sitting in the snow all curled up.  I watched anxiously, were they OK?

Sure enough, they were.  And one went back to collect the other, and somewhat late, they followed the path to where the others were.  There they gathered, nibbled on our corn which has still to be harvested, and prepared for the next move.

By this time, they had broken up into smaller groups – some taking off in flight, some staying put, and others resting. Fast forward to this morning, and just two are resting in the field – maybe the same tardy pair from the day before. Clearly they’ve decided being part of a group is not for them.

Seems to me that they are just like a networking group.  They follow a leader who shows the way, no one is left behind but may just be slower to catch on, and then they find ones who they feel more connected to and hang around with them.  Or they decide that the group is just not their thing.

As a group they sure made enough noise – attracting attention to themselves and maybe that is what we need to do too.  With International Women’s Day just behind us, perhaps we need to speak up about what we need to lead a fulfilled life – one where we are not overwhelmed by what is expected of us, by others and by ourselves.

In searching for my platform, I found myself again

These days everyone talks about having a platform.  What’s your platform?   I have to say I’ve been struggling with mine.

One friend suggested I think about what people most thank me for which did help narrow it down… a bit.  Usually I get thanked for the introductions I have helped people make, the connections established or just for what I offer at Company of Women and sometimes the support and encouragement I have given a would-be entrepreneur.

“Networking” was the conclusion at the end of this conversation, but you know, that just didn’t sit with me.  Partly because unfortunately networking still has a negative connotation and is frequently done badly.  Did I really want to be associated with this?  I don’t think so.

I needed to spend more time noodling that one.  Then I realized what I do, and what I have been doing all my career – is build community – be it mothers, teen mothers, abused women or entrepreneurs.  That’s my platform, community builder.

Or so I thought.  It is strange how the universe will provide the answers, if you are willing to listen and are alert to the messages.  In an interesting conversation with a woman from Atlanta, we started to talk about net-weaving, a word that really resonated with me.

In fact, when I first started Company of Women eleven years ago, I intentionally used tapestries in my business card, on the website and our promotional material.  I felt it symbolized what I wanted Company of Women to be – the intertwined threads making a beautiful fabric, representing how when we weave our threads together, we make a much stronger fabric.   Even our newsletter was called Tapestries, with the tagline of weaving wisdom and warmth into the lives of women…

Now I know some of you may be thinking P U L E E Z E – shoot me now, but you know what it worked back then and I still think it works now. Everyone wants to belong to something greater than themselves.

Now after a few years we got rid of the tapestries, albeit gradually, and probably not fast enough for my webmasters who I suspect thought it was, correction I was, over the top.

Reflecting back on all this, made me remember that just prior to starting Company of Women I was in California where I found and bought a pin and poem called the Weaver Woman. At the time I thought it was a good omen, given the journey I was about to embark on.

Despite our recent move, I was able to find it – no mean feat I tell you, but suddenly I feel I have come home. Isn’t it strange how we think we have moved on, evolved and yet in my case gone full circle back to who I was meant to be, and probably always have been, but I just didn’t know it. 

Here is the poem.  What do you think – does it resonate with you?

Weaver Woman

Wise weaver woman weaves, the fabric of life

A thread for each creature, a thread for each plant

A thread for the elements, that enliven the dance

A thread for spirit, a thread for sharing

A thread for balance, a thread for caring.

Cycles shape the pattern from death to rebirth

She is weaving a fabric of life for Earth

So precious – so fragile – so easily torn

So connected is all of life, all belong.

Let us help her to weave it, not tear it apart

With our choices, our voices, our actions, our heart.

Lela Florel