Are you at risk of over-extending yourself?

I love the summer because I get to take leisurely lunches with friends.  But the other week, as I chatted with and caught up with one of my girlfriends, I realized something really important - I was in danger of over-extending myself, again.

As we talked and I updated her on my plans for the fall, the penny dropped that

 a) I had taken on several new projects, which excited me; and

 b) none of them directly related to Company of Women, but were potential offshoots of  

     my business.

Given that in the fall I will be back to being a solopreneur, with no staff in the office, this could be a big problem as time will be precious.  Yet I don’t want to give up on these commitments as they offer a growth opportunity for me personally and professionally.

I am sure I am not alone as we juggle the demands on our time and the priorities for our business.   So what is the answer?

1.        Determine your priorities.  Know at the outset what you want to achieve in the year ahead. Set goals. When something new comes up, ask yourself if it fits your priorities, and if it doesn’t, perhaps the answer should be “no.”

2.        Be aware.  As you take on new work, check to be sure that there are not too many conflicting demands on your time.

3.        Do a schedule. When I scheduled out the timeframe for the projects, I was relieved to see that they are spaced out over several months, meaning that I am not going to be working on them all at the same time and there’s little overlap.  Whew!

4.        Determine when enough is enough.  It will take a very exciting project to persuade and entice me to take on anything else.  My plate is full.

5.        Automate.  Because I will be the only one in the office, we are automating our processes, so that my time is not taken up with routine, admin work. 

6.        Delegate.  I plan to build a team around me who will take on some of the tasks I used to undertake, thereby freeing up my time to get involved in the new projects and different revenue streams.

7.        Change is OK.   I have given myself permission to pursue new avenues that will enable me personally to gain some new skills sets and experiences.

Being more self-aware has helped me to step back and review what I have taken on.  Maybe I am getting wiser in my old age, because in the past, I would have just said “yes” to everything that came my way, without reflecting on the impact that response would have on the rest of my workload or the members of my team.

What about you?  Do you need to step back and double-check that what you are doing fits with your vision and mission in life?  Remember we can all shape our own destiny. You are the captain of your own ship, so make sure you are steering it in the direction that suits you. Don’t feel locked in to doing something because you always have, that is not a good enough reason to continue.

I am excited about the year ahead.  Yes, it will be busy but personally I do my best when I have a lot on the go.  What about you?

Detours in Decluttering

In his book Driven, Robert Herjavec shares how often successful entrepreneurs have messy desks, a sign of their creativity and drive to succeed, he says.  I chuckled when I read that, as it meant that I qualify; I have what it takes.

Although this summer I have declared war on my office and am determined to declutter and get rid of the paper and stuff that holds me back.  I have to admit it is a bit overwhelming – I mean where do you start?  Right now I working systematically around the room, creating even more chaos until order can be restored.

I should also confess that I do this every summer with varying degrees of success, but this year I mean business as we plan to put our house up for sale and so I really do have to clean out the cupboards and reduce the signs of a busy home business.   No mean feat.

I also know it will take me time as I sort through the files and books I have collected over the years.  With the books in particular, it is like parting with old friends and my preference is to find a good home for each of them. Want a collection of business books?

Even the local library has turned me down.

While it is early days, I also know that the process will serve to remind me of how far Company of Women, and myself as well, have come in 10 years.  Yesterday I opened my Success Box – a treasure trove of notes and cards from people who took the time to thank me and express their appreciation for what I had done for them. You know the kind of stuff.  I keep it all in this beautiful box, so that when I am having a down day, week, whatever, I can turn to its contents and remind myself of what I have accomplished and how much my work has impacted other people.

Well hidden away at the bottom of this box was a little sculpture of two birds, sitting close together, one with its wing wrapped around the other.  I have had it for years. It was a gift from a former colleague and at one time it literally was perched on the top of my desk, reminding me daily of our friendship.  But it kept falling off, so I had carefully stored it in the Box.

I really smiled when I saw the birds, because that friend has just come back into my life.  For years we had kept in touch but it had been the odd card or email now and again. But now she too has joined the world of entrepreneurship, become part of Company of Women and it is truly wonderful to have her back.

All of which just goes to show that the world keeps evolving, bringing people into and out of our lives. I say out of our lives too because 2012 seems to be a time of transition for many of my friends as they chose to downsize, move out of the city to start afresh in smaller communities. 

But the moral of the story I guess, is with true friends you never really say goodbye, as I found last summer when my husband and I looked up folks in England that we hadn’t seen in 40 years and with whom we just took up where we left off.

This little detour via the Success Box has made the decluttering less painful.  It is perhaps taking longer, but the journey to reconnect with myself is worth it.

Make It The People Who Count, Not The Money

A wise friend sent me this quote “ Change your focus from making money to serving more people. Serving more people makes the money come in.”  And she is right.

So often we get caught up in the numbers game – be it number of sales or number of people attending an event or number of members.  But when we do that, we run the risk of diminishing what we are offering as our focus is on the money, not on the customers.

And people can pick up when you are treating them just like a meal ticket. I am sure we have all been in situations when we’ve felt nickel and dimed or treated shabbily.  It doesn’t feel good and you leave feeling somewhat disillusioned and disappointed.   Yes, we have to keep an eye on the bottom line, but when that is all you focus on, to the detriment of fostering meaningful relationships, then I suspect your business suffers.

I was reminded of this a few weeks ago when we had ten people registered for a lunch meeting.  “Only ten women,” I thought to myself and I questioned whether we should cancel or not.  I am so glad we didn’t, because the right ten people were there, and they rallied around one of the women who needed a boost, and who received encouragement and support from the others.

She left with her head held high and the other women also had a bounce to their steps because they knew they’d made her day and had made a difference.  That is what it is all about, not the number of participants, not the money made, but helping each other.

It served to remind me of why I started Company of Women in the first place and was a lesson I needed to learn that day.  Sometimes we can wander off track and get caught up in the chase for the all-mighty dollar, but when you are genuine, honest and care, I have to believe that others pick up on your authenticity, and your business benefits, and in turn so does your bottom line.

It takes a village…

It’s summer and I know I should be switching off but my mind doesn’t always work that way or do as it is told.

As a business owner I find I am always thinking, contemplating my next move, next chapter, whatever.  Staying settled and happy with the status quo has never been my modus operandi.  

No matter what job I have had, I have always been planning ahead of myself.  In fact, when I worked at Today’s Parent, the magazine planned six months in advance.  So we would be writing about Christmas in June, and managing winter photo shoots in the heat of the summer.

In one position, I was often dreaming up new schemes, when in truth what the organization needed was some stability and a sound foundation, not the team going off on yet another tangent or project I had concocted.   So I know the perils of constantly changing just because you are bored.

And as entrepreneurs that can easily happen. It is the thrill of the start-up, developing new concepts and ideas that excites many of us, not the day-to-day running of a business, which admittedly cannot be overlooked if the business is to survive.

All of which speaks to the need to build a team that draws in people who actually love the detail, who truly blossom in the specifics.   For me it is the creative process of coming up with programs and services that sparks and ignites my energy.  In fact if I am being really honest, there are times when I enjoy the planning more than the delivery.

Whatever type of business owner you are, the key is to know yourself – your strengths and your weaknesses, and to build a solid team where your combined talents will create a stronger business.    

Now those of you who are solopreneurs may be saying “That’s all very nice Anne, but I can’t afford to hire anyone, let alone build a team.”  But you know what, you can. Look around you, there are many solopreneurs probably all feeling exactly the same way.

So why can’t you team up and support each other?  Perhaps it’s bartering services or brainstorming ideas together so you head in the right direction.  Consider co-op placements with high school or college students.  Rope in young family members to take on some of the more routine tasks.  What better way to learn the alphabet, than with filing?J

You don’t have to fly solo, and when you have people to support you, it frees you up to do what you do best.

Is getting back to basics the answer?

Some days I don’t even want to watch the news, as we learn about some new atrocity that has occurred. The political unrest in many countries is almost epidemic, with an uprising of ordinary people taking extraordinary action to speak up and demand their democratic rights.

Why are so many countries rebelling against authority?  Sadly many of the leading governments appear to have been corrupt or self-serving, lining the pockets of politicians rather than looking at what was best for their citizens.

The good news is that people are speaking out, asking questions and demanding change, all with the underlying goal of positively shaping the future for their families and countries.  The bad news is that so many people have died or been injured in this quest for freedom.  

Like any rebellion or challenge to the status quo, the resulting change can only be welcomed, especially in countries where corruption has been rampant.  Yet it must be acknowledged that it will take time for these countries to function efficiently. There is no instant fix.

The economy is so volatile, with the financial bankruptcy of countries having a ripple effect globally. Sadly the impact is most felt by young people. Unemployment for youth is at an all-time high around the world, which is concerning and doesn’t bode well for our future.  And the boomers are not retiring. They can’t afford to, with many having lost their jobs or savings in investments that have tanked. 

But what about Canada, where we have grown to expect decency; where we have prided ourselves in being democratic and respectful of individual ideals?  Sadly we do not appear to be totally immune, as witnessed by the recent election irregularities, the robocalls fiasco and the misleading information on the F35 jet costs.

These are worrying times, when our whole moral and value system is put under scrutiny and perhaps we don’t measure up.  It would seem that like the other countries, our views as citizens are not always respected, valued or taken into consideration when government at all levels makes major decisions that will impact us all.

It can be depressing to reflect on what is happening globally, and in reality we can only tackle what is happening in our own back yard.  I have to believe that we will overcome these challenges and that getting back to basics will serve us well.

By basics I mean living our lives more modestly, remembering what is important and what is superfluous in creating a meaningful, rich life for ourselves and our children. It’s about getting back to our core values and beliefs as Canadians.  It’s about making sure that those who are less fortunate have an equal opportunity to get ahead in life.

We need to draw on our pride of being Canadian, to speak out and make our views known and if we don’t like the politics we see, get involved, rather than just criticizing and complaining from the sidelines.  Apathy is a dangerous bedfellow.   

And it is not just about politics.  It is about our day-to-day living and how within our communities, we can reach out and help others. When we take an interest and support others, we gain perspective on our own problems – there is always someone worse of than you and your involvement could make the difference. 

Taking action makes you feel less helpless and more in control of shaping the future, for yourself and others.

“All that we give into the lives of others, comes back into our own.”  Let’s give.

Alone on My Desert Island

I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually had my house to myself for a weekend – no husband, no children, just me and the dog.

When we decided that my husband would go to a family wedding in the UK and that I couldn’t go because the timing clashed with our conference, I was disappointed. I still am, but I confess I am fast getting over it as I enjoy this time just for me.

At first I was plotting to have a bunch of girlfriends over to party, but that idea wore thin when I thought about the work involved.  Instead I opted for a weekend alone.  Can you imagine?  I got to chose when I got up, what I wanted to eat and when, and… I got to control the remote.  How cool is that.

Actually with everyone gone, I haven’t been watching much TV, more playing my music and reading my books.  Absolute bliss, which raises the question, how can I achieve this for myself on a regular basis?  I can’t really kick the old boy out every weekend, but perhaps I can eke out some “me” time, when I do what I want and am not at the beck and call of the family.

In fact, we all need that – men and women.  It is the one thing that gets lost in this juggle to manage everything.  Time just to be, just to be me. 

So while I am sorry to miss my niece’s wedding, I am grateful to her.  She’s given me the gift of time and space for myself.  Maybe when she’s been married a while and has children, I can return the favour.

Buyer Beware

I just watched a funny skit on This Hour has 22 Minutes where people were going to great lengths to get a free cell phone – from losing an arm to giving up a kid.   Joking apart, it highlights how some industries will go to any lengths to make money and secure your business.  It is a competitive world out there.

Take the insurance industry.  A few years ago our broker advised us that we couldn’t get our house insured because I worked from home, and the only way they would cover it, was if I took out liability insurance.

No matter how I explained that the home was the administrative base, that no events or even people met there, the answer was the same. Even though the business is incorporated, they were apparently  “concerned” that someone might fall at an event and sue me, and the house would be at risk.  Reluctantly I agreed but it felt like a money grab. 

I know when I had my consulting practice we were required on certain contracts to have professional liability insurance, which was an expensive request, often in the thousands.  Again, we would argue that no one was in danger as a result of our work, we weren’t counselling anyone, just meeting with people to provide recommendations to government.  But no, it had to be in place.

Fast forward to this year, and one of our members faced the same challenge, instead this time the stakes were much higher and the cost prohibitive.  As she said, she could understand if they insured your home and if you didn’t get the liability insurance, you had to sign a waiver, but to outright refuse  home coverage unless you took out this expensive insurance policy,  felt like you were being held to ransom.

So what’s the answer?  Shop around.  There are reputable companies out there that will provide house insurance and forego the liability insurance if you work from home.  Don’t let yourself be conned or pressured into spending money on a policy that you don’t need and cannot afford.

It is somewhat ironic that we need insurance in order to protect ourselves from  unexpected dangers, but who protects us from the insurance companies?  We need to take charge of that ourselves.

Panel Pointers

A couple of weeks ago I served on a panel on women and entrepreneurship.  I was asked to talk about networking for ten minutes and then be open to questions.  In preparation I wrote down a few points on what I wanted to cover, and I was ready to go.  

But that’s not what happened.  In fact it was much, much better.  There were three of us on the panel, each offering such a different perspective – one was a seasoned and serial entrepreneur, the other was a newbie and then moi, as someone who works with small business owners. 

The moderator did a skillful job, going with the flow and firing questions at us that generated great discussion and a range of points of view.  It was, to be honest, a small audience, but the highlight was how we connected as a panel, each of us sharing the air and our experiences with the women in attendance who seemed to enjoy the interaction.

Over the years I have moderated and organized my share of panels, and the secret is to have a diverse perspective so the discussion is rich. Having more than three people on a panel can be risky and time-challenging, especially if they all have a lot to sayJ

But all that planning can be for naught if the panelists are not willing to take turns; one person monopolizes or tries to steal the spotlight. Remember you have three successful women or experts, three egos, yet if the panelists can manage it and connect with one another as we did in Niagara Falls, the outcome is positive for everyone – the panelists, the moderator and most importantly, the audience.

So if you are ever asked to serve on a panel – here’s my advice:

1. Do your homework – find out who is in the audience and the purpose of the panel discussion.
2. Ask the organizer if she will be sending questions in advance.
3. Check on the dress code for the event. (When I talked in Turkey, I was the only one in a coloured outfit and I sure stood out in the sea of black business suits.)
4. Look up who the other panelists are so you can sound informed when you meet them.
5. Think about your key messages – what’s the takeaway you want people to have.
6. Prepare but be willing to go with the flow.
7. Try to share the air – it is not all about you.
8. Before you speak, ask yourself whether what you want to say really adds to the discussion or are you trying to be the authority on the topic, always wanting the last word?
9. Watch your body language.  If you don’t agree with what someone says, try to be respectful.  Remember, all eyes are on the panel so don’t let your facial expression, for example, give you away.
10. If someone from the audience asks a question that would require a long and more personal answer, suggest you talk after the panel. There is nothing worse than one participant railroading the discussion, particularly if that aspect of the topic is not of interest to the rest of the audience. 

Sitting on a panel is a great way to promote yourself and your business, but you don’t want to blow the opportunity by being too aggressive as that can be a big turn off.

Just be yourself.

Five months. Five women. Five new businesses.

For five months now our newbie group has been meeting on a regular basis.   I remember at our first meeting there was almost a group sigh of relief when the women discovered that they all felt the same way – scared, full of self doubt but brimming with ideas.

Throughout this period the women have been working through those ideas, pursuing each one to find some worked, others didn’t.  And now five months later they are on different paths.  Each has changed her direction, intention and in the process of finding herself, has also found self-confidence and the faith that this is going to work.

I’ve felt like the bus driver, taking them on a scenic route until one by one, each found her destination and disembarked to follow her dreams.   It has been fascinating to observe how their ideas have evolved – each leading to a better, more profitable business concept. But when you start off, you really don’t know which will take off, and so you have to explore different avenues, in the hope that one of the ideas, will be THE idea.

Starting a business is always a work in progress until you find your niche; the sweet spot that will propel you out of bed in the morning, ready to take on another day. And the ideas or plans that you discard are never wasted as you learn something new with each turn in the road.

What is also encouraging to see is that they support one another and likely will continue to long after the group is over.  Now that is what it is all about.   You don’t have to be alone when you own.

Business Lessons From Tommy Hunter

Last week I had the distinct pleasure to interview country music star Tommy Hunter.  I was actually writing an article about him for our local newspaper as he lives in our community.

I knew he would be, pardon the pun, entertaining and full of stories of his time on television and on stage touring, and he was all of that and more.  Not growing up in Canada I wasn’t someone who watched The Tommy Hunter Show, but many of my friends did, telling me it was a part of their growing up, that their whole family would watch his show.

What I didn’t expect was to learn some real business lessons from him. 

1.         Listen to your customers

From the early age of 11, he was performing at small country events but he would never know who would be in the audience until he got there.  So he quickly learned to gauge his audience and sing songs that would appeal to them – be it teenagers or middle-aged women. 

He didn’t, as so many of us would be tempted to do, have one program and that was what you got.  How often as service providers do we fail to listen to our customers and just deliver what we think they need, rather than what they want.

2.         Be open to opportunities

By 23 he had his own radio show, five days a week.  When he first started out, he had a producer who would write his scripts, but when he left, he decided to take on the task himself.  He didn’t know what was involved, but he was willing to learn.  This knowledge stood him in good stead later on in his career when he progressed to a TV show.

3.         Build relationships

With both his radio show and later his TV show which he started at 28, he instinctively knew that getting to know his sponsors/advertisers was a good idea.  So he visited them, learned about their product and built meaningful relationships.  He recognized that making them feel part of the show, would serve him well and keep them committed to both him and the show.

4.         Know your target audience

He made a point of also getting to know his audience; their demographics, when they would want to watch his show, etc…   With that in mind, he would plan his show carefully, never waivering from the content that he believed they would like.  He set boundaries on what and who was acceptable, and what wasn’t. In other words, he built a brand.

5.         Be yourself

As a faith-based performer, being authentic, honest and real with his audience was important to him.  He was always cheery and upfront, ending his show with the same line each night – “with the Lord willing.”   When I asked him about what he was proudest of, he was quick to say the Order of Canada, Order of Ontario and meeting the Queen, but as we dug deeper, it was the way he stayed true to his parents’ values.  No mean feat, in an industry where others have got caught up in their fame and fortune.

6.         Delegate

Over 200 people were part of the crew involved in his shows.  With the extensive detail involved in taping three shows a week, Tommy had to rely on others to ensure that it all went smoothly, but he still knew what was involved and what had to happen.

When you think that Tommy’s career started when he was barely a teenager, it is truly amazing that he followed his path, did not waiver from it, and knew instinctively what was the best and right thing to do.

Little wonder he is called Canada’s country gentleman, because he truly is.

Taking Your Product To Market

So often a product comes to market because someone is looking for something and can’t find it, and so they take the plunge and make it available.

Well since my toe surgery I can tell you there are no ready-sized dressings for big toes.  Fingers, thumbs, knees even elbows, but nothing for toes.  So this is my gift to any enterprising soul out there – develop one, I can tell you there is a market for this product.

Mind you, I have to say I have become quite skillful at improvising and making my own dressing but it would have been so much easier if something had been available, ready to go.

It takes real guts to bring a product to market.  I wouldn’t have clue where to start with the whole manufacturing piece. That’s why I am looking forward to hearing our panel on May 23 when three women entrepreneurs will share just how they did it.

I know for two of them, it was identifying a gap that led to the development of their product.  Jacqueline Sava, for example, could not find a safe detergent to use for washing knitted clothes, so she developed Soak, which is sold across North America. 

When Marissa McTasney was taking a skilled trades program she found that there were no work boots or hard hats that suited or fitted women.  She set off on a journey to bring those products to market and right now they can be found in over 250 retail stores across Canada.

Rae Lindsay, our third panelist, on the other hand, became disillusioned with her day job, and decided to pursue her passion – baking – and she sells and produces a line of biscotti that is also sold in Canada and the United States.  As a single mother, she truly had a lot at stake, but it paid off and today she is among the top 100 women entrepreneurs listed by PROFIT magazine.

I could say more about these three enterprising women, but I don’t want to steal their thunder.  Come and hear them for yourself.

And as for the toe idea – put your best foot forward and go for it. 

Fostering The Entrepreneurial Spirit

Last weekend as we drove past a couple of little girls who had set up a lemonade stand on the street, my husband and I turned to each other and smiled, both recalling the time when our daughter, at around the same age, did that too.

In fact from an early age she was quite entrepreneurial, selling artwork to willing and supportive neighbours; putting on plays and shows in our living room.  I never forget coming home one day, to find our living room set up like a theatre, complete with an audience made up of neighbours, and even the mailman, all waiting for the next performance and being served hefty, and I mean hefty, chunks of cheese and fruit from my kitchen.

Yet years later, when she participated in Junior Achievement in high school, the involvement of the girls was not really encouraged and they tended to be assigned the more routine tasks to complete.  Creativity was not really encouraged. Too bad.  Because as a country we want and need to foster entrepreneurship in our young people and with this challenging job market, it is another option for them to explore.

As parents we can encourage our children to take responsibility; to earn their allowances or get a Saturday job, rather than just handing over the cash when requested.  When you have had to save up for a desired item, there is much more value placed on the prize, than when you ask and then receive it.

Today that same daughter is still entrepreneurial.   She started her first business, Kidz Klub, when she was just twelve. After getting her babysitting certificate, she decided to run a summer camp for the local children, (from our home I might add) .  She designed a logo, sent out flyers and charged a nominal fee.  Yes, she learned a lot from this experience – like collections and how it’s more effective to get the customers to pay upfront; or how to do a budget to make sure the income covers the expenses… all valuable lessons to learn for any business owner, regardless of age.

Since then she’s had several businesses and her latest has taken off.  Now as her mother I am just hoping she will be able to keep me in the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed when I retire.  After all, I was an early investor.

Changing Directions

Once you have been in business for a few years, it is all too easy to get complacent, especially if everything is just ticking along.  But you know it can change on a dime and it is how you handle those challenges and changes that shape whether you continue to do well or continue at all.

At the recent Oprah session in Toronto, Tony Robins questioned why we don’t talk about failures.  He observed that when asked why people failed, the common complaint is lack of resources – not enough – time, money, energy or technology.  People blame resources as their excuse for failure. But he said “it’s not the lack of resources that cause failure, it’s the lack of resourcefulness that causes failure.”

Now that is food for thought.  In her book The Secret of Successfully Failing, Gina Mollicote Long talks about failure as being just feedback, and an opportunity to learn some valuable lessons so you do it differently next time.  As Thomas Edison once said “I have not failed. I’ve found 10,000 ways that didn’t work.”

So if resourcefulness is the answer, how do you become resourceful?

  

1. Reflect.  Take yourself out of the daily routine and reflect on what you are doing, what is not working and revisit your long term vision.
   
2. Reconnect.  Ask people about what they think needs to happen. Check in with customers – what do you they need and want, it may well have changed since you started and they will be pleased you asked.   Talk to your team, they may have some great ideas.
3. Revenue.  Do the math.  Check what is bringing in the most revenue, it may have changed over the years and once-popular programs/services may no longer be as profitable.
4. Research.  What is your competition doing?  Is there a gap, overlap in what is being offered to clients?
5. Redefine.  Once you have done the above, you may find that you do have to change and refine your offering. 
   
   
6. Resources.  What resources do you need to make this new/revised offering happen?  Do you do it alone or can you form an alliance or barter with another organization to make it happen effectively.

Gaining clarity on what you do, what you offer and to whom,  can give you a roadmap to stay on the path of success.  Driving the same road over and over, means that you always reach the same destination and if you want to grow, both personally and professionally, you need to change it, because sure as anything, there will be road works and you will have to take a detour anyway.

Avoidance Not The Best Policy

We all have areas in our lives where we are a work in progress; where we need to improve and do better.

For me it is around confrontation and conflict.  I will go to great lengths to avoid both, and yet, as I learned recently, sometimes it is unavoidable and in my efforts to sidestep the issues, I not only made matters worse, but I was insensitive.

Now my husband would be quick to tell you that the root of my problems with conflict is that I am an only child, and so grew up without the dubious pleasure of sibling rivalry and thereby missed the lessons on fighting and standing your ground. He may have a point, not that I would tell him that.

What I do know is that I gravitate to harmony, and while getting better, will often choose not to voice an opinion that will be perceived negatively for the sake of peace.  I am one of the few people I know who fired someone and was so gentle in giving the message that the employee didn’t get she was being dismissed.

So you see I have a long way to go.  However, I realize that I do need to put my “big girl pants on” because in avoiding conflict and confrontations, I am not being authentic or true to myself and not being fair to the other person.

Often when we have a negative message to deliver, we do it badly.  Not because we mean to hurt the other person, but because we want it done, over with.  The trouble is that approach often leads to insensitivity to how the other person feels and the way the message is delivered can become more hurtful and do more damage than the actual message itself.

It is interesting that the latin derivative of conflict and confrontation is con – which means together.  Yet, usually it is not a joint discussion.  It can be very one-sided.

What I have learned from this is to be more aware that there are two perspectives; not to always think of myself first and when you’ve mishandled a situation, apologize.  And I did.

bizwomen: Managing Expectations

bizwomen: Managing Expectations: As I reflect back on this week, it is quite frankly a bit of a blur.  I totally overscheduled myself with two events in one day and each m...

Managing Expectations

As I reflect back on this week, it is quite frankly a bit of a blur.  I totally overscheduled myself with two events in one day and each miles apart from the other.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

My talk in Pickering had been scheduled over a year ago but the event in Cambridge was a relatively recent and quick booking and ended up on the same day because that was the only day that would work for the speaker, the venue and the facilitator – so I just decided to fit in with everyone else’s timetable.

Now, I could have chosen not to go to the luncheon, but the speaker had kindly rearranged her schedule to fit us in, and I felt my attendance was the least I could do.  But did I really need to be there?  No.   But I felt, rightly or wrongly, that she would expect me to be there.

It would seem that I am governed by my expectations of myself and my perception of the expectations that others place on me.   As a bit of a perfectionist, it is hard when people expect instant service, for example, and I just don’t physically have the hours in the day to deliver. 

Because of my hectic schedule, I know their expectations are unrealistic but I don’t share that information with them, instead I pretzel myself trying to accommodate, as otherwise I feel I have failed or let the person down. 

Perhaps also, from the outside looking in, people see what they want to see, rather than getting the true picture of what is happening in someone else’s life, not knowing or appreciating the demands on their time.  But they can’t know that unless you share the information or they take the time to find out.

So what is the answer?   I think I need to be more honest with myself and others on what can realistically be achieved.  I also have to lower my expectations and let go of the belief that I have to be everywhere, and let others, who are extremely capable, take over.

When you are a solopreneur, and apart from a few hours a week, that is basically what I am, it hard not to try to be all things to all people and as women we do so want to please.

My other piece of advice to myself -  I have to protect my Fridays, which for the past year, have been my gift to myself – time to do what I want – be it volunteer, visit friends or just read a good book.

But the only person I can change is myself.  So I am starting there.

Learn To Expect The Unexpected

Photo: GETTY IMAGES

As I watched the Oxford vs. Cambridge Boat Race, I was instantly transported back to when I was a high school student going to school in Wimbledon. At the school, the Race was a highlight of the school year, and I vividly describe to my husband how as students we were divided up into two teams, each cheering for either Oxford or Cambridge. 

To honour the occasion, we would wear a daffodil and a twig of pussywillow tied by a pale blue or navy ribbon to represent the team we were supporting. Now that was close to 50 years ago, but I remember it like yesterday.

But watching the Race this year spoke to the need for all of us to be prepared for the unexpected.  The race was half way done, and Oxford was just slightly in the lead, when a protestor swims in between the two rowing boats, bringing the race to a dramatic halt.

It was cold, and suddenly the teams had to rethink their strategy, get refocused on winning and keep their muscles moving so they didn’t seize up while they waited for instructions.  It wasn’t just their bodies that had to adjust, so did their mindset.  A true test of the athletes participating, which included men and women. Progress indeed as the Race used to be men only.

Under starter’s orders, both teams were poised and ready to bolt off, anxious to capture the lead.  In their enthusiasm, Oxford got too close to the Cambridge team, and lost an oar, which the umpire blamed on the Oxford team and so the race continued.  This basically meant game over and the Cambridge team rowed into victory.  Now the Oxford team could have chosen to stop then and there, but they didn’t, they rowed on to the finish line.

Much I am sure will be written about this race, and my hope is that the police throw the book at the protestor for spoiling such a traditional event in the UK, and which also resulted in one of the athletes being taken to hospital, exhausted by the race.

Just like the athletes, so too do business owners have to be prepared for the curveballs that may come their way.  You may be on a winning streak when suddenly out of the blue something beyond your control negatively impacts your business.  Like the rowers, you need to limber up, stay moving and if necessary, change tactics. 

Like the Oxford team, sometimes an aggressive move may not pay off and you have to be prepared to let go of the prize (for this year) and chalk it down to lessons learned, albeit the hard way. At least the team stayed in the race, heads held high and no doubt, having learned from the experience.  Just watch, they will be even more determined next year.

And that’s what you have to do too.  Persistence, passion and patience are all key ingredients in the business recipe for success.

My Dirty Little Secret

As my kids were growing up I was, I confess,  somewhat of a distracted, haphazard housewife.  I was always busy with interesting projects, juggling the kids’ activities and cooking meals for them, and then fussier dinners for my husband and I.  My life was full.

So keeping house was a low priority.  The house wasn’t super-filthy or anything, but definitely not pristine clean. I wouldn’t have encouraged you to eat anything off my floor. Forget the three-second rule in my house, if you dropped some food, you were wise to consider it a lost cause.

And my fridge seemed to harbour bearded food that likely could have walked out on its own. To this day, when the kids visit they still sniff something coming out of my fridge,  just in case. They comment that they are amazed that they didn’t get food poisoning as children, given that I was prone to be a bit cavalier about those “best by dates.”

Last fall I decided to clean out and move stuff around in my kitchen.  It wasn’t working for me, and so I rearranged the cupboards, much to my daughters’ chagrin – as if they did any cooking when they came home. I don’t think so.

But I have to say I was a little horrified to discover that my canned goods were three years past their sell-by date.  I’d got them when we moved to the farm and they sat buried at the back of one cupboard.  In fact, that was one of the reasons why I wanted to re-arrange the set-up in the kitchen. However I did wonder what would happen to you if you ate anything from the offending tins.  Maybe your hair would turn curly or I might have found some miraculous cure for the common cold. 

Well, we will never know, as I ditched the lot, feeling extremely guilty and frivolous at the same time.  After all there’s the starving in Africa, and here I was just extravagantly chucking out cans of food that had wasted away, hidden in my cupboards.

It seemed like my sordid little secret, but when I ‘fessed up to my friends, it would appear that I am not alone.  As harried mothers, those deadline dates alluded us all.  Although in fairness, much also depends on your organizational skills.  I have one friend who “files” her cans and herbs in alphabetical order. Now that seems a tad anal to me, and even if I started such a system, I could never maintain it, so why bother.

Living on a farm with a small kitchen has forced me to be more selective as to what I keep. M y focus is more on universal use so that I can improvise on a recipe when I don’t have something, as I don’t want to drive 30 minutes to the nearest grocery store.

Yes, lean and mean that’s me these days. Not all together a bad thing as at least there is less chance of food being discarded because I forgot to use it in time.  Well OK … I admit, some habits are hard to break, but you know I am much more organized now. 

And you don’t have to be nervous if I ask you for dinner, I promise. You will survive.