Three words to live by

I suspect I am not the only one to be glad to see the back of 2016.  While there were a few personal highs – like the launch of my publishing company and a wedding party reunion, there were a lot of lows and some, like what’s happening with our friends south of the border, continue to be worrisome.

But I am an optimist by nature, and you have to focus on the best and on what will be positive in the year ahead. 

Many years ago I stopped doing New Year resolutions. Frankly they were a waste of time, as after the initial commitment, I forgot all about them.  Instead I started to come up with three words that I wanted to live my life by in the year ahead.

That strategy has worked well for me.  So drum roll please…. the words for 2017 are Listen. Learn. Love.  (I like alliteration).  Let me explain why those words as each has several reasons for being chosen.

Listen.  It is important to listen to those around you – your colleagues, clients, family and friends.  When you listen, you learn more and can be more effective as a leader.  But I also want to listen more to myself  - to trust my intuition and act on it, and to listen to my body when it tells me that I am working too hard.

Learn.   With starting a new business, there is a lot to learn and I want to be open to that learning, as I strive to be the best I can be.  So often I learn lessons the hard way, and even if that’s how I grasp the information, I want to pay attention and act accordingly.   I also want to remember and learn from past experiences, and say “no” when I need to, instead of trying to please everyone.

Love.  I only want to work on what I love to do, hang out with people that I like and love, and who in turn value and care about me.  I also want to spend more time with the people that I really care about and love deeply like my family and close friends.

These words are probably no different from previous years but I believe they are more intentional.  I almost feel this will be the “year of me.” After the deaths of family members and friends last year and other disappointments, I am determined to live my life in a way that matters most to me.

What words would you choose?  Reflect on your past year and focus on what you want for 2017.   Then make it happen.

Headed for problems?

What do you do when you believe that someone you care about is on the wrong track?  

Do you tell them what you think?  Do you try to guide them in a more suitable direction?  Or do you just stay quiet, decide it is none of your business and let it go?

As a friend and colleague it is a fine line.  You don’t want to risk losing that relationship forever by having the frank conversation and here’s a thought, what if you are wrong? Yet, to say nothing seems irresponsible and uncaring. 

And if it is one of your children, then sorry, as a parent, right or wrong,  I am usually compelled to give my two cents worth even when it is not welcome.

Regardless of the relationship, maybe the answer is to start a conversation and just listen.  There may be an opportunity to subtly introduce a thought that prods the person to revisit their direction. Sometimes I find that what I am sensing is what the other person knows deep down but hasn’t been able to articulate and often from the outside looking in we can see so clearly what is happening, or perhaps what is not happening.

I certainly find with new business owners, they start off in one direction and as time evolves and they learn more about their marketplace, they begin to switch it up and find their niche, which can take time.

But the bottom line is that it is the person’s life and they need to choose their own path, even if in our eyes, they are destined to be disappointed or to fail.  We also cannot overlook the fact that we may not have the whole picture.  We may not be aware of what else is happening within the family or what has happened in the past to shape that person.

I guess I have answered my own questions.  The answer is to be there, to listen and nudge if appropriate or asked what we think,  and if you really care, stick around to catch the person when and if she falls.

But knowing myself, that is easier said than done, especially when I am in rescue mode. So note to self, take my own advice. Back off and just be there.

A touching moment

I recently had the pleasure of observing true customer service in action.  I was at the spa getting my hair done and an elderly lady, with a beautiful head of white hair, was in a cozy gown, waiting for a massage.  I’ll call her “Daisy”  because she reminded me of Jessica Tandy in Driving Miss Daisy.

Because she was a little early and waiting for her appointment, Diana at the front desk decided to spend the time chatting and getting to know her better.  Now she could have done this from her desk, but no, she chose to come over, and bent down so she was at eye-level with her, and proceeded to chat.

I couldn’t help but hear the conversation and it was touching.  They were talking about love and how you have to grab it, no matter what your age,  if you are fortunate enough to meet the right person. It turns out that Daisy had got married for the first time at 67 and she was congratulating Diana on her recent marriage at 54.

You could tell that the conversation meant a lot to both of them, and before Daisy left for her appointment, she stroked Diana’s face in a gentle and loving way.  After she had gone, I asked how old she was --- 92, and she’d only just moved into a senior’s residence.

That small, touching moment made my day and I am positive it did for both Daisy and Diana.  In the hustle and bustle of living our hectic lives, it was a lovely interlude; emphasizing the need to reach out, and just spend a few moments sharing our innermost thoughts – with friends or complete strangers.